Elizabeth Olsen recently spilled the beans on The Hollywood Reporter‘s Awards Chatter podcast!
I mean, this makes total sense considering she will play an important role in the Multiverse of Madness movie. Which will be about… moving through multiple universes.
But apparently, at the end of the final episode of WandaVision *SPOILERS* we can see her meditating. What she is doing is searching through Multiverses to find Tommy and Billy 😭
Damn telekinesis, chaos magic, reality warping, and now she can travel through universes? What the bitch can’t do?
I knew this wasn’t the last we would see of Tommy and Billy.
But I do have one question, if Wanda can travel through universes and find alternate versions of people, then can’t she find alternative versions of herself? And what version would that be okay to steal another Wanda’s babies. Da fuq? And who is to say that Tommy and Billy even exist in another universe at all? I guess if they do, let’s say there are limitless universes and 100 of them have Tommy and Billy’s. And in 99 of them they have parents, but in one they are orphans? I guess she could pluck them out of that timeline?
Am I thinking way too much into this??
Sorry whenever the podcast goes on hiatus I just can’t help but nerd out on here with my bullshit theories!
Thanks for reading! Leave a comment with your theories about Wanda and her universe traveling abilities.
Xoxo- Comic Book Bitch
For all of your comic book news, comic book resources, comic book updates, marvel news, marvel updates, scarlet witch theories, and WandaVision fan theories
The best human shield in the land! He is knife proof, bulletproof, and even nuclear bomb proof.
It is nice knowing that at the end of the world, Deadpool will still be there with his little thumbs up.
If anyone survives the end of the world, I want it to be Ryan Reynolds.
Deadpool, Conan and Night Flyer break into the Hellfire Club to grab a little spending money. Unfortunately three X-Men (Ice Man, Calisto, Bishop) show up, as the Hellfire Club is for them. Soon Calisto pulls out a tiny dagger, that Deadpool scoffs at, joking that Ant-Man must have gotten a hold of her sword- she slashes at Deadpool and he falls into Conan’s loving arms.
I’m sure that Deadpool initially enjoyed this. Being caught by his teammate, and new friend. Finally someone cares for Deadpool! He must have felt warm and happy being held onto by those big muscular arms. I can almost hear him tittering now.
Of course, that turns out not to be the best position for Deadpool to be in. After they are threatened once again by the X-Men, Conan pulls Deadpool in tighter. Deadpool, probably believing this to be a nice hug after he was brutally stabbed, falls tenderly into the hug.
Unfortunately, this is when Bishop starts shooting, and Conan, with nothing but Deadpool to protect himself throws Deadpool’s bulletproof body right into Bishop’s line of fire.
Now, I’ve seen everything.
I guess that’s why they’re the savage avengers, cause that was savage af.
After that a battle ensues and ends on a very intriguing note. I gotta say, If you haven’t picked up Savage Avengers #18 yet, then what happens on the last page- a battle-ending blow- is worth it to get up now and scramble to the closest Comic Book store to pick up your issue!
-Comic Book Betch
For all of your comic book news, comic book resources, and Deadpool updates.
I decided on recapping Cable this week, because this issue finally had the action we’ve been waiting for. Unlike in the X-Men comics where they just talk in a circle all day, Cable is out here doing the damn thing. And I’m talking about pubescent Cable here.
Our story begins with a partnership as old as time, Cable and Domino. Ah, young love.
Cable breaks the ice by asking her how her powers work, and she describes it like a cosmic event. Where all the asteroids just seems to line up in a certain way, and that’s her luck.
He’s counting on her luck, which caused him to follow her to Tokyo even though they’re after the clone of his older self, Stryfe and they have no proof that he would even think about going to Japan.
Cable: So we’re in Tokyo, because of your powers, right? We should be here?
Domino: What? No. I wanted Gyoza.
So they head to a spot that Domino likes and get some fucking dumplings.
How can either of you tell where the other one is looking?
Turns out, Domino is lucky because Cable wasn’t looking at her “that way” he was staring right past her head and checking out an old man Cable clone. The baby-napper in the flesh!
Cable jumps up and runs after him. Domino decides to steal a few moments to get her snack on.
My brain is telling me follow you, but my heart is saying “MAWR DUMPLINS”
Cable follows the clone through the restaurant and shoots at him while they’re in the kitchen, because restaurant workers aren’t people. No need to treat them like they deserve to live.
The baby-napper clone runs downstairs where he has some sort of secret underground hideaway and he shuts the high-tech door behind him and now Cable has nowhere to go.
Does anyone else think it’s weird that Stryfe has an underground hideaway below a dumpling shop? No? Just me. Well, fuck you, then.
After Cable shoots at the locked door a few times to no avail, he decides to walk over in front of it and cry about his life. As he is whining about how he can’t do anything right, when he literally wins everything, the high-tech door scans his retina and lets him right in.
Dummy, it’s your clone’s hideaway. Of course you can fucking get in.
Nathan and Baby-Napper have a conversation and it goes like this:
Cable: I’m pointing my gun at you!
BN: You’re dumb and you plan bad.
Cable: I’m so upset with myself and I constantly battle with inner demons.
BN: Uhk.
Cable: I’m a sad boi.
BN: I’m going to press this button
Cable: Don’t press it, I’ll shoot you.
BN: I’m gonna press it.
Cable: Don’t.
BN: I pressed it.
Then Cable shoots him and he dies. BUT all these tiny baby Cable clones come out. Okay they’re not baby-babies but they are young Cable clones. Just as cute.
LOOK AT ALL THE WITTLE BABY WUB WUBS!! (heart eyes emoji, heart eyes emoji)
Cable fights his clones, and also battles his inner demons, meanwhile, Domino walks in with dumplings hanging out of her mouth and stupidly asks “hrmrmrhshfm??”
Cops and superheroes don’t go to jail for killing people, Domino. Idiot.
She decides to take a breath and look up from her box of noodles and she pulls out her gun.
She shoots every clone except the one that yells “cease fire, I’m friendly!”
She stops and he walks over to her and he’s like “how did you know it was me?”
And she’s all, “I didn’t” Then she shoots him in the head.
And then I was like AHHH OMG. SHE SHOT HIM. SHE SHOT CABLE!
You misunderstood me, Domino! Being a cop or superhero only works if you’re a man! Women get held accountable for ALL OF their actions!
Then ANOTHER Cable dusts his knees off and comes out of the woodwork and is like, “are you out of bullets?”
And Domino is like, “yeah, but even If I had one left, I probably wouldn’t shoot you, Real Cable Baby.”
Cable calls in a team to clean up the clone bodies, meanwhile Domino is like, hey there were 12 clones in here and I only shot 11. One got away.
They dip out and find this little fool real quick. Sticking out like a tall white boy in Japan as it were.
The clone knocks Cable and Domino down and then reveals his evil plan to return to Krakoa in Cable’s place.
Domino and Cable are both being psionically held down so they can’t stop him from killing them.
Luckily, remember that weird meteor thing I mentioned earlier?
Yeah. Well one of those things comes sailing out of the sky and right into clone Cable’s pretty little face.
That’s a meteor, bitch!
Cable then blames Domino, and Domino is like, shut up I didn’t kill him, a meteor did, dummy.
So Cable is back to having no leads because this clone’s head just randomly busted open.
Domino tells Cable to lose her number and dips out. Cable then texts his buddies about how he left a bunch of dead bodies in Japan, and they let him know that X-Factor is inbound to clean up his little messy. I don’t know how they got a hold of X-Factor tho, because last I heard they were down to three measly members on account of all of them getting totally whacked by Morrigan.
COOL RIGHT? But it’s not over! After our baby Cable story we get a little peek at what old man Cable is doing. He’s hunting some fuckers, hidden in a cape and carrying a big ass gun. That’s what Cable does best, hoes!
Cable walks in and tells his little robot buddy to wait outside.
He traipses in like he owns the place, but he notices a string on the ground, a booby trap. He’s too smart for that though and he walks right over it.
Unfortunately, right over that string is a giant hole.
So yeah, he gets immediately trapped in a pitfall.
I call this one: Cable falling into the abyss.
WHAT AN IDIOT!
What did you think about this issue? This Cable run is finally getting good huh?! I THINK SO!
PLUS WE GOT A DOMINO CAMEO!
WOW. WOW.WOW.
-Comic Book Betch
For all of your comic book updates, comic book reviews, comic book recaps, and comic book news.
I know we’re all very excited for tomorrow’s episode of WandaVision, but for comic books fans it’s a bit of a slow burn because we kinda already know what’s going to happen. But this is technically the MCU and they could change things up at any moment.
First off, there are so many theories about how this show is going to go. One of the theories is that Quicksilver is secretly Mephisto, there’s another theory that Ultron has been hiding in the Hex the whole time, Agnes is Agatha Harkness, etc.
I do believe Agnes is Agatha Harkness, btw, she was dressed as a freaking witch for Halloween. DUH.
Anyways, before I get into MY theories, I just wanted to point out that Wanda does not fucking care that she is controlling all of these people. She is acting more like she has a hangover than she feels any sort of remorse. However, I do believe that although this is her HEX, somehow Hydra is involved and probably aided in creating this Hex since she can’t remember how it started and isn’t quite sure how she’s doing it. Obviously Hydra is involved because the commercials are for Hydra shit.
ANYWAYS, now for my theories, Remember how Vision almost died in episode 6 because he was trying to crawl out of the Hex? Is the Hex the only thing keeping him alive? He was literally falling apart being outside of it, so that’s scary because if she gets rid of the Hex she kills Vision. That’s why she expanded it, but of course if he keeps trying to leave she can’t take over the whole world…Or can she?
All we know is that she stole Vision’s body. We don’t know when or how he came back to life. Cause you know Thanos killed him. For real. This could be tied into how the Hex is changing people’s body composition. Like, how Monica was warned not to go back in the Hex because her body was changing. Did Billy and Tommy get powers from the Hex or was it because they are Wanda’s children?
Speaking of Monica, is her body changing in a way that will give her powers? I think so. Since she has powers in the comic book, she might be getting them from the Hex in this version of her character.
The last theory I want to talk about is Quicksilver. This is Evan Peters, not Aaron Taylor Johnson. Everyone is just dismissing this as ATJ needed to be recast or that this will open the world to the Fox mutants.
I sort of agree, in that this is going to open up to a new world. But to the Fox mutants? I don’t know, what I do know is that Wanda will be in Doctor Strange’s Multiverse of Madness, which finds the heroes in many different dimensions, the most popular ones I can think of from the comic books is Earth-65 and Earth-616, but obviously, there’s a lot.
We’re getting three different Spider-Men, SO!
Perhaps Evan Peters is simply a Quicksilver from another dimension! She pulled him from his own dimension, a world where he survived the shooting.
This explains why he mentions being shot, but it doesn’t explain why Wanda sees him as a dead body like she saw Vision as a dead body. Of course she could just be seeing this because that’s her memory of her brother in this dimension.
BUT I’m pretty sure this is a different dimension’s Quicksilver that she brought in, which would be a great introduction to the Multiverse of Madness, since now we know we can take characters from any dimension. INCLUDING villains!
Also, twincest.
Hey, it’s my brother, but it’s my brother from another dimension.
TBH I thought she had more chemistry with Aaron Taylor Johnson.
-Comic Book Betch
For all of your comic book resources, comic book news, Disney+ news, and WandaVision theories.
Guess who showed up today? Speed! AKA Tommy, AKA if you’re watching WandaVision, one of Wanda’s twins. He looks just like Pietro, is slightly more annoying than Pietro, and enjoys the company of men, especially Prodigy.
Instead of discussing how there might be two of you out in the world, and you may be a resurrected clone of sorts, let’s just shut up and make out.
Tommy came over to let Prodigy know that he actually did not die in the O.N.E attack on Xavier’s institute, because he was with Tommy that night and he has the steamy photos to prove it.
So it turns out he was resurrected without a body, which I guess means that there is another Prodigy buzzing about somewhere?
Next up, another lovely couple of sluts, Daken and Aurora are strolling through the halls, and they have a conversation and it goes like this:
Daken: You smell scared.
Aurora: It’s weird that you can smell that.
Daken: Yeah but I can only smell lust and fear, I can’t telepathically understand why people have those emotions.
Aurora: Well I’m lusting over you right now.
Daken: Yeah I know. I literally just told you I could tell.
Aurora: Oh, right. Wanna make out?
Daken: No.
Aurora: Damn, ok.
Aurora has got to be the least slutty hoe I’ve ever seen.
Northstar calls his dog, Daken, over. Daken is tracking Siryn, as you know if you read last month’s recap.
Northstar tells Daken to get Fleet Seeds while he’s out and also warns Daken that he will kill him if he hurts his sister, Aurora. And Daken is like, “cool story, bro.”
Wow, I really hope he doesn’t forget those Fleet Seeds. Seem really important. Wow.He forgot Fleet Seeds, but he invested heavily in Doge coin.
Daken is following Siryn. Polaris is a dumb hoe, because Siryn tricked her last issue into lying for her, so although Daken is tracking Siryn to the States, Polaris tells everyone she’s in Barcelona going on a walking tour. If you didn’t say Barcelona with a lisp you fucking suck.
Northstar decides to split the team up to interrogate Siryn’s closests friends, and because half the team can tell when someone is lying to them, they’re splitting up into three groups of two. Speaking of lies, Eye-Boy notices that Polaris is straight up lying to the whole team. He doesn’t say anything though, because Polaris is sitting right there and that would be shades af. Northstar gets up to find Prodigy who was just boning Tommy.
Northstar runs into Tommy first, and Tommy has a lot of questions for Northstar because Northstar is really fast and Tommy is really fast, but Northstar is faster and also older. And rich. And a twin. And a Leader. And everything that Tommy probably wants to be/sort of already is.
How old do you have to be to call someone “young person?” How old is Northstar and why is he hanging out with all these horny teens? I have questions.
So, next we get a scene of Tommy being really annoying and asking a ton of speed-related questions to Northstar, and Prodigy physically pushes him out, making me think that he might be the top?
Prodigy and Northstar get to their boring ass mission of interrogating Siryn’s friends. This mission proves fruitless. Her dad, Banshee didn’t even know that she died once. SO!
Daken tries to call Lorna AKA Polaris, but she ignores the call. RUDE! Then this shows up.
PSA: This is really important to the rest of the storyline.
If you need a summary here it is: THIS BITCH, MORRIGAN, SHE CRAZY!
Next up, Daken is alone because Polaris is in charge of the only cell phone, or maybe she’s the only number that Daken knows by heart? Sweet. Anyways, Daken gets captured by Siryn, but spoiler, it’s not Siryn it’s Morrigan. The crazy bitch you just read about. NOICE.
Anyways, Morrigan beats the shit out of Daken and throws his body onto a spike, so he can’t fully heal himself and then while she is attacking him she also shits in his mouth. JUST KIDDING! But she does shit all over him, metaphorically speaking.
Wow, so fucking rude.
So, Daken is just chilling being staked like a common vampire. Meanwhile, it’s taken them days to figure out that Polaris is lying. But once they confront her and remove the psionic blocks that Morrigan- acting as Siryn- put in her, they realize that Daken is missing and needs to be found. This is like 4 fucking days later btw. So he’s been in the cold wearing his light jacket and jeans. What an idiot. This is why I always tell people to layer.
It takes Northstar all of seven minutes to look throughout the entire Tundra to find Daken and save his life.
Why is he yelling at him right now? He, literally, is impaled on a stick.
Now that Northstar has saved Daken, it’s sexy-time for Daken and Aurora.
V sexy of her to dress as a pilgrim and get inside a jacuzzi.
Daken opens up his heart to Aurora and it’s very lovely. So cute. They’re in love. I love this. And they finally kiss, I guess he’s down for it now after being skewered for a few days in the Tundra. They are rudely interrupted by Northstar screaming for Aurora. which he does ALL. THE. TIME.
Daken: Why is he always screaming like that? Can’t he just zoom in to see if you’re okay?
Aurora: He’s scared to lose me.
Daken: Doesn’t answer my question.
Aurora: He was trapped in Nate Grey’s false Utopia. It fucked with his mind.
Daken: My sisters were trapped in there.
Aurora: So you already.
Daken: Already what?
Aurora: You already.
Daken: What?
Aurora: Know. You already know. It’s slang, from like, England.
Daken: You’re never going to make “you already” happen.
Aurora: You already.
Daken: Damn.
THEN WE DO A COMPLETE 180. Which makes me believe that we are missing pages from this storybook. BUT on the very next page after the hot tub sexy-time scene, it is several hours later in the living room and half the team is dead. Only Eye-Boy, Daken, and Prodigy are the last ones left alive. And it’s mad creepy, because the killer set up Aurora and Northstar in this weirdo hex/witchy-shit type of situation.
I wonder who killed everybody!?
AHHHH!!!!!!!!!! We have a serial killer on the loose!!!
What did you think of this issue? I am really starting to like X-Factor. Definitely becoming one of my faves. When do you think this run will be pick up by Disney+ as a series??? I’m thinking since they’re still taking storylines from 2005 it might not be until 2030 we see this in our living rooms.
It’s the last run in Kelly Thompson’s Deadpool! How could they do this to us? To me? To you? Marvel, you hate us, but why? WHY??
Welcome back to another edition of your friendly neighborhood Comic Book Betch. This week I shall be recapping Deadpool #10. And Guess what the fuck what? It’s a King in Black adventure again!!! When Marvel goes for it, they go for it.
Written by the hilarious Kelly Thompson
Art by Gerardo Sandoval
Cover by Chris Sotomayor
Deadpool, or King Deadpool as he is known by now, is lamenting about the King in Black and how they’ll let anyone be King these days, and this King in Black has left the city, and his island, the Island of Staten…why did I say that? He’s on Staten Island. Anyways the whole country or world or something is covered in black goo. Same shit different issue.
Deadpool decides to have a groupthink with his honor guard, unfortunately everyone’s pretty dumb there, except for Elsa Bloodstone, who, if you’re not new to this blog, you know that I FUCKING STAN!
I can’t wait to see King Deadpool cosplay at a con.
In the groupthink they decide to form ANOTHER team, other than this guard, because the Island of Staten is full of monsters to choose from.
They form a team and then they walk into the room really cool like this:
What a badass group of monsters. And, awkwardly, one monster hunter.
So after they do their cool walk, these weird little priest monsters come in and tell King Deadpool that it’s the end of days, and Deadpool is like “Yeah. IT FUCKING ALWAYS IS.”
Unimpressed, Deadpool is about to walk away when the priest informs him that the monster that is here (The King in Black) is going to devour the King of Monsters as is prophesied, this gets Deadpool’s attention because HE IS the King of Monsters. But, Deadpool says that there is no way this is the Priests monster that they prophesied, it is a Marvel monster and it’s a comic book event, so instead of worrying about these priests and their dumb prophecies, he takes his team of monsters and goes to battle!
Okay, Kohlaab the Pile is definitely touching the symbiote.
Then it gets really sad because the monster eats the snowman, who I did not even bother to mention earlier, but he’s cool because he only speaks in winter-related puns, see what I did there?
NOT FROSTY THE UNMELTABLE SNOWMAN!
Shiny, the monster who shines a light through his mouth, opens his mouth and shoots a blinding hole through the wing of one of the venom dragons, and this gives the team a chance to regroup.
Then this next part is really cool. I love this comic book. Deadpool is literally such a great character and having Kelly Thompson write him!? UGH CHEF’S KISS.
Jeff the Shark touches the goo, and Deadpool is noticeably upset but he promises to find a way to save Jeff, Jeff is already turned though, and bites Deadpool on the hand. Elsa says they can’t afford to have Deadpool turned by the black goo because he is indestructible, TRUE, so Deadpool hacks off his hand. I love this comic book. Deadpool is the fucking best.
They totally stole this from The Walking Dead, except Rick is a bitch who can’t grow back limbs.
Deadpool and the team decide to do another cool group walk back into the scene, but it is rudely interrupted by Jelby, who left their group behind in issue #6. He comes bearing gifts though, a gift in the form of Jeff the Shark safely hidden away in a bowl of Jelby’s jelly.
The entire teams climbs inside of Jelby and they take on the venom dragon from inside of Jelby, Deadpool coins their conjoining as the “Monster-Tron” Patent pending.
I don’t know where all those lights are coming from, There is only one Shiny on the team that I know about.
Using a combination of butts and brains they are able to defeat the dragon symbiote monster, or at least they are able to throw the dragon into a giant hole, but as Elsa points out “it’s got sodding wings!”
This leads to the writer to doing a tie-in to a previous issue, and it’s all very romantic and beautiful and breaking of the fourth wall. As all Deadpool comics are.
He loves red heads. This is canon af.
As Deadpool fends off the dragon from below, Jelby jumps down to save the day!
He contains the dragon in his little jelly belly and Wade is forced to sever another limb to stop the symbiote goo from taking him over…but that does give me pause? Could these severed limbs come back as symbiotes? hmmmm…I GUESS NOT BECAUSE JUST LIKE ARMIE HAMMER, THIS SHIT IS CANCELED.
The day is saved, but there is still one thing left to deal with!
Deadpool already sounds like a dad.
They take a note from Spider-Man and get the symbiote off of Jeff using some loud-ass music. And then Jeff is back to normal and so freaking cute. I cannot.
LOOK AT THAT FACE OMG. OMFG.I LOVE YOU JEFF THE SHARK! I might get this last panel tattooed on me. Thoughts?
King Deadpool saves the day, and it turns out the priests were wrong, the monster will be coming to get him in 2022. A line is forming outside so that Deadpool can pay for the property damages he caused with all of this fighting, and Elsa gives him a sweet kiss on the cheek. All is well, except that this run is getting canceled and it’s the fucking worst thing that could happen to any of us because it is so good. I’m tired, you tired, Jesus wept.
It’s X-Men #16 recap time! I’m sure you are all still on the edge of your seat’s from last month’s X-Men #15 recap, this one is a lot less intense! If you consider taking a really long time to pick your kid up from the playground intense.
Written by Jonathan Hickman
Cover Art by Leinil Francis Yu
Penciller Phil Noto
In the last issue Jean and Cyclops had to convince the Quiet Council of letting them pick up their son from the Otherworld. In the end the council said no you can’t and they were like whatever, bye.
It seems that the story was continued in another comic’s storyline, but it wasn’t Cable’s so I have no idea what happened between then and now, but I will tell you that Jean and Cyclops are now with their son Cable and Cable isn’t being a baby backed bitch anymore who doesn’t know how to kill bitches like what happened in Cable #6 when he started crying.
Apparently the two islands that the two mutant groups live on, Arrako and where our heroes live, Krakoa, are divorced, but the islands are thinking about getting back together and becoming one land like they used to be, OKKKUUURRAAA
All Hail Bardi Cardi
So what needs to happen is these two islands need to fall in love again so that they can combine, but nobody really knows how to make that happen so they’re just trying to figure that shit out at this point.
Does this hood make me look stupid? NM don’t answer that.
Meanwhile, Cypher, a mutant who is merged with Krakoa and acts as his translator, decides to meet with the other island in the middle of the water, and they would just be big trees having a talk about how to split the kids up.
You look…nice. New trimmings?
It does not go well. Cypher returns to the Quiet Council letting them know that the trees are still not into each other therefore the islands ain’t gonna merge. He says it’s because the mutants on Arakko are weirdos and speak a different language and there are also twice as many mutants on that island than this one. They are more barbaric I think is where he is going with this but we shall see.
WHO SAID THAT!? DID THAT EMPTY CHAIR SAY THAT?! IS ANYONE ELSE HEARING VOICES?!
Later on Arakko, a woman representative of Arakko, who is wearing a cooler suit than even Iron Man has ever debuted and wearing the colors no less, has a discussion with Magneto and Charles. Their conversation goes like this:
Gold Chick: Your man-child friend, the one who is married to that bad bitch from my island, Bei, he said we’re going to remain two islands.
Charles: Yeah. That is Cypher. The man-child you speak of.
Gold Chick: I don’t care. What’s that in your hand?
Magneto: This is a flower for you. So that you can come and go to each island as you please.
Gold Chick: Flower? I can tell right now you two are bitch boys. Tell me what you got going on over there on Krakoa.
Magneto: We have a quiet council.
Gold Chick: It’s a child’s society. We have been around for thousands of years what the hell do you expect us to do with your play pretend circle of man-children?
Charles: We would like to work together and form some sort of working relationship.
Gold Chick: We are war bitches. We kill everyone. It’s a wonder I haven’t killed you now. And I didn’t mainly because when you got here I was killing something else. SO!
Charles: Can you still take our unity offer to your ruler?
Gold Chick: I will, but you’re still little bitches.
Magneto: Haha she called you-
Gold Chick: No! Both of you!
So, so she doesn’t want these flowers?
SO THAT WENT WELL.
Charles thinks that they need to prepare in case the Arakko come after them now so they need to fill some seats on the council. Magneto asks Jean and Cyclops to fill the empty council seats and they are like “Um, no.” And Magneto is all “wtf? Why not?” And they’re all “We want to lead the X-Men WAAH WAHHH WAHH”
Magneto: God you guys look stupid in those clothes. Do I look as dumb as you?
Charles asks them if he can talk them out of it and Jean and Cyclops say no. So Magneto says, so who is on your team? And they kind of look at each other like they each smelled a fart but are too polite to point it out for fear of embarrassing the culprit which Is obviously one of the two old geezers in the room. And then Magneto is like, “who is on your team idiots?” And they are like “Dunno. Since the X-Men is created to fight for the people we were thinking we would have the people choose.” Then Magneto is like, but people are famously dumb. You know who got elected to office in America in 2016? And Cyclops is like “we know, but we want to have a vote anyway.”
So there you have it folks. The first election on Krakoa. I can’t wait to see the campaigns these nerds come up with to make it on to the X-Men team.
This is my cool gang sign for the X-Men. You, like, you put your arms, like you cross them, but you poke your fists out and you go “UNGH” and it’s like an X, but it’s bad ass cause it’s your fists. Chyeah.
All jokes aside this seems like a fun and creative way for the writers to show some butt-kicking and heartfelt scenes exactly they way they want to show them. Total and complete creative control.
In this issue, Cyclops won’t shut the fuck up! We also learn the importance of wearing your mask and we find out what happened to Drogon and Daenerys after that GOT finale!! A must not miss recap!!
Remember when I recapped Cable? Well, we’re still in that universe for X-Men #15. Cable is a teenager and the X-Men live on Krakoa.
This one is written by Jonathan Hickman, Art by Mahmud Asrar, and Cover Art by Sonny Gho.
What a nice name Sonny is. Very nice.
Moving on, Cable has been taken and now his mommy and daddy are coming to save him! Aww. Before they jump into action to save their captured son, they decide to pontificate for a while on a random hill.
Can you hurry it up, Scott? Our kid could be dead.
Apparently it’s been over an hour since Nathan AKA Cable screamed out to his parents to save him, but they need to make one more pit stop before they go save him.
You think it’s cool to have the head of the X-Men and the most powerful mutant as your father and mother, respectively, but it turns out they’re just as awful as regular parents who forget to pick you up from pre-school so you have to stay through for the PM class, but on the plus side you get two lunches that day, and you never have to go back because now your parents are ashamed and afraid that they’re going to be reported to child services. Oh, wait was that just me?
I digress, anyways, so they show up to this round table of people who decide things because Krakoa is more important than their son. Cool, cool.
Our son still as one eye and arm left. He should be fine.
Meanwhile in the Otherworld Starlight Citadel, Khaleesi mother of dragons has pit husband and wife against each other in a fight to the death. Good to see she’s doing well after her death in Game of Thrones.
Glad to see Drogon is doing well.
So those ^^ two chat, and Apocalypse (the big guy) asks his wife to take off her mask, and she’s like “we’re in a pandemic” And he’s like -_-. So she’s like “fine” and she takes her mask off and they fight to the death.
Then we’re back to Jean and Scott who are telling this round table that Cable is in serious danger, cause he reached out psychically from Otherworld and it is nearly impossible to do so, but he’s in grave danger so, he was able to reach out from that far, because he is inches from death. But they’re also sure he can last a few more days if not hours.
The round table is like, “geeze your kid is dying that sucks…for you.”
Jean: Krakoa is also in danger.
Round Table: Why the fuck didn’t you lead with that?
So Cyclops tells the round table their plan which is to take a strike team to the Otherworld to get the people who were stolen back. And once the people are home they will close the gates for good so no one can attack them and they’ll be closed off from the world…s forever! Yay! Island quarantine!
Island quarantining is so hot right now.
So, the round table is like “that plan is dumb.”
Then Nightcrawler is like “count me in!”
Then the round table is like “no, you’re not going dummy. We’re a government and we can’t be doing shit all willy-nilly.”
Then Emma Frost talks to Cyclops in his head and she calls him “love” what a home-wrecking hoe. Or is Jean the home wrecker at this point? I can’t figure out these timelines anymore. SO I wonder since they had a psychic conversation not out loud to the panel, didn’t Jean hear? She’s psychic, amiright?
Then the circle decides that they’re just going to close the gates and save their own asses, and Cyclops is all “Well you’re the government of Krakoa, But The X-Men are the heroes!”
We couldn’t have gotten to this conclusion quicker? Your son is DYING!
So, they finally go pick up Cable from pre-school, er- I mean, from certain doom.
Cyclops is like : Jean, you ready.
Jean: Fucking duh. I’ve been trying to get you to stop talking for the last fucking hour.
It’s only my fucking son who is out there dying while you talk about nonsense.
So this whole time Scott has been talking, Khaleesi has Apocalypse fighting to the death against his wife, and we’re back to them and the wife is like “yield, you fool!” Then he stabs his wife. Probably because he is 300lbs and she is 87lbs, Didn’t seem like a fair fight to me, considering he is also an asshole. She’s bleeding out on the floor and Khaleesi is like “kill her, dude.” And Apocalypse is like “no, that’s my wife. It’s only cool to maim her, not kill her completely.”
But then uh-oh what’s this the wife puts her mask back on, and she’s back in the fight.
When you wear a mask, the life you save just may be your own.
Ah, so this whole issue was just a PSA to wear your damn masks!
Yeah, X-Force #10 literally just came out, but here I am recapping the first issue from November 2019, because I AM BEHIND. It’s a pandemic, okay? And I also recently got into Dune. So that’s been a whole thing.
X-Force #1 is a new Diddy by Benjamin Percy and Johnathan Hickman.
So, like, let’s recap it shall we?
First there is this meeting of pureblood muggles who hate mutants and they want to discuss how to kill all the filthy mutants but first they need to take a blood test, because if someone inside the meeting has mutant blood they have to kill them.
So, this was back in November 2019 right? I HAVE to assume that’s where all the supplies for virus testing went and that’s why it took 6 months to get COVID-19 tests to America. WOW. The more you know.
Back to the scene, obviously there’s a mutant here, cause there is one bitch in this creepy ass masked crowd who is like heheheh, I’m wearing gloves, so blood testing is, er, not easy with those on, aye?
Then she jumps up and beats everyone to death! Just kidding they beat HER up. And who is it? It’s Domino! WHOAAA.
Movie voice: Everything was going according to plan, until her lucky streak ran cold.
I literally just got my hair done, can you not push my head onto the floor? Like wtf?
MEANWHILE,
The Beast and Wolverine are on Krakoa, this island of mutants and monsters which we already know about because I recapped Cable #1.
Beast is following monsters around for science, not for a lay. Wolverine is beating up monsters for sport, so they disagree about stuff. THAT’S IT.
Of course the Beast is soft, look at the fur. FLUFFY AF.
Next scene, Black Tom Cassidy is now a plankton. He straight up just listens to plants all day as they crawl over his body making him look like he needs a shower.
The plants tell him that Kitty Pryde is arriving on a giant ship for some reason with a bunch of mutant refugees.
Why is she standing like that? When did Kitty become Jack Sparrow?
There’s a scene after this of some large guy getting on a plane.
Does this picture make you want to lick your finger and rub it across this guy’s black dot on his forehead? No? Just me. Fine.
So then, Sage and Charles Xavier are hanging out and Sage is like “I dunno where Domino is.” And Charles is like “Okay, then, bye.” Then he walks through a mirror and ends up at a party in Sokovia where he immediately starts chugging champagne. This guy can live!
Back on the plane with the mole guy, they hit some turbulence and everyone freaks out and grabs that air thing that falls from the top when you’re in an airplane? What the hell is that called? The thing where they tell you to put your on before you put it on your own baby? Because baby can hold their breathe longer or something? Yeah that thing. Anyways, I digress. Mole man does not put the air thingy on his face and instead him and some other muscle dudes get together and take off all their clothes.
Then they put on new clothes and jump out of a plane.
Sexy Time.
These dude bros are headed for Krakoa. Charles Xavier returns from his party and he’s wasted, and Tom Cassidy is like, “the Earth is telling me things are getting weird, bro.”
And Charles is like, “is this about the refugees, bro? Cause that’s fucked up, and Sage deals with that anyways. Do you like your job? Because a lot of people don’t like that you have it, bro.”
Then Tom is like “BRO! RUN!!”
Cause the muscle dudes are shooting at everyone.
So they run and things like “BUDDA BUDDA” and “KROOM” are littered across the pages.
Then for some reason, Black Tom lets everyone know that his genitals stink?
There’s got to be an ointment for that.
The island of Krakoa does some fun shit, like come up and strangle bad guys with its vines. Then Charles ends up in the middle of a clearing and he puts his hands up in surrender and then one of the dudes shoots him and everyone is like “GASP” and “NOT AGAIN!” and “HE JUST STARTED WALKING LIKE WHAT THE FUCK?”
And then Sage, who was not fighting at all and in some room somewhere is like “Hey guys, are you there? I can’t feel Charles anymore, how is this possible?”
And it’s like, damn Sage, you can’t figure out why his spirit disappeared from your radar while there are explosions all over the island? She stupid.
AND THAT WAS IT!
Killing off your main character in the first book was stolen right from George R.R. Martin, but I guess it’s fine. All ideas are borrowed anyway right?
What did ya’ll think of this issue? What did ya’ll think of this recap? Let me know in the comments below who you think the dumbest a-hole is in this issue. Is it Black Tom for referring to himself in third person? Charles Xavier for getting his ass shot and killed again? Or Piotr for still hanging out with Kitty Pryde?
Comic Book Bitch 