Yo.
I think I found something.
I really think I did. This The Dreaming comic book by Vertigo is quite frankly, pretty good. I know it’s only issue one, but I have a knack for these things and this, sirs and madams and non-binary humans, is quite fucking good. So let’s talk about it?
First things first, the geniuses behind this comic book are as follows: Art by: Bilquis Evely. Variant Cover Art by: Yanick Paquette, Cover by: Jae Lee, and Written by: Simon Spurrier.
Despite all of these people having the hardest names to spell in the known universe they are arguably probably very good people.
MOVING ON.
This came out September 5th so mayhaps you already purchased it and loved it and can’t wait for number 2. Or maybe you have not heard of it yet. THAT’S WHERE I COME IN.
Let’s recap this bitch.
So the title warns the book is ONLY for “mature readers.” So i guess I wasn’t supposed to pick it up and I just totally missed that warning. *Side Bar* Please don’t shut down my local comic book shop for assuming I was mature.***
We begin with this, what I assume is an old man librarian, holding up this weird object that looks like a mask or a fossil of a dead creature’s head + the spine. V strange. V into it. He’s reciting some nonsense into the darkness about how “emptiness has replaced certainty” and how “tales grow from curious compost.” Translation: He is losing his gottdam mind.
As it turns out, he’s crying about all this shit in woe because his boss left the realm and basically the realm is now susceptible to a bunch of bad shit happening to it because the “Odinson” type dude ditched out. Which as we later learn was not the first time he has pulled this shit.
Then this CROW NAMED MATTHEW (pause for appreciation) flies in and is like “hey old librarian man what up?” And the librarian is all “shouldn’t you be looking for the master of the universe?” And the crow is like “My name is Matt. And I’m a fucking crow. I can’t find the MASTER of the universe unless he is trying to be found.”
Then the librarian tells the crow that external forces are trying to get into the “dream realm” and that their reasoning behind doing so is to murder everyone in the realm. To which Matt replies “No it’s fine. The man with the pumpkin head has rallied everybody who has been sneaking in together and we can handle all that.”
The librarian is like “actually it’s getting worse.”
Then we smash cut to this girl’s treehouse. Her name is Dora and she looks like the baby from the Saga comics all grown up. Except not. Except kinda. Except if she had wings growing where her horns should be instead of wings and horns. Then that is what Dora would look like. I will…umm just show you.
Caption: Don’t be fooled. She may seem like your typical slut-faced ho-bag, but in reality, she is so much more than that.
Dora just woke up and she walks over to her scarecrow guard who is one of the creatures that came from the rip in the realm. He doesn’t speak but obeys her commands. Then she makes a joke that if he had a penis then he would be the perfect man. But he’s not even hot and he dresses like an idiot. So, he would be better than any other man on earth yes, but he wouldn’t be PERFECT. ANYWAYS
The narrator pops in to tell us that Dora is different because she can sleep but she cannot dream. OOOOOO. And that everytime she wakes up someone has brought her a gift. But she has no idea who keeps bringing her shit. She also does not know what sort of creature she is.
Also this bitch gets hungry which apparently isn’t a thing for “dreamers” the people who live in the realm. SO THAT’S WHERE THEY ALL WENT. I can tell you right now the DREAMERS get hungry okay?
I digress.
Dora makes a split in the realm to go steal the dreams from the people in the realm because she can do that apparently.
The librarian sees this and tells Matthew to stop her. He flies away to find her.
He finds her in the middle of a forest and insists he would just like to “talk.”
Instead of talking she picks up her blank faced scarecrow man and throws him at the bird and then jumps through another realm crack.
As “Ziggy” the blank face scarecrow lays on top of Matthew’s body, Matthew the crow calls out to the librarian, Lucien, to tell him that Dora just slipped through the realm like the “boss” does.
At first Lucien the librarian is confused. He has been confused a lot TBH, and then rubs his eyes and realizes that she went outside of the realm and he can longer “see” her.
Dora, meanwhile, comes face to face with a large naked man riding on top of an even larger bear.
MEAN-MEANWHILE
The pumpkin head man who gathers up the blank faced who fall from the cracks in the realm comes to speak to Lucien about the problems with Dora. He tells Lucien that she is stealing things from people and that Lucien needs to call the “master” back because clearly Lucien can’t handle the realm on his own.
Back to Dora.
As it turned out the giant man on the even more giant-er bear is Dora’s fuck buddy. And they bone. Perhaps this is what they meant by “mature.”
The Demon tries to get Dora to move to Hades but she says it smells like a fart and she’d rather not. Then they get down to some other “business” real business. As in trade.
She brings the demons some of the stolen things from the dreamers and he rewards her with food that will actually nourish her, which unfortunately nothing in the realm of dreamers can satiate her appetite. When she eats the food though she kinda turns into a demon for a second. Which turns on the other demon again.
Then some crazy shit happens. She drops a little crumb of the food and the demon, being the gentleman that he is, decides to pick it up for her. But it is on the other side of the realm and he can’t do that because demons can’t get into the dreaming side without an invitation. EXCEPT THIS TIME THEY CAN. Because the master-boss-enigma-thing left without a trace.
The guardians of the gate at the realm of the dreamers realize that they have been breached right away and inform Lucien. He is predisposed so Matthew answers the call and lets the guardian, whom is a flying Wyvern, know that he can answer the call if he wants to but not to get hurt as there are no “Wyvern” doctors in the realm. The Wyvern however is like the Master will heal me so fuck it.
So then the Wyvern goes to meet Dora’s fuck buddy, whose name is “Balam.” He’s hotter than his name sounds.
It’s doesn’t go great.
I mean for the Wyvern. Idk who you’re rooting for. If you were rooting for Dora’s slampiece then it goes quite well.
Balam comes into contact with “Eve of the Garden” and she’s all “hey let that Wyvern go.” And Bilam is all “Join us I know you like serpents.” Then she’s all “That story is biased af. Go away.”
Then this other bitch steps out and is wearing the fossil weird face thing that Lucien was carrying around earlier and Balam is all “oh fuck. I gotta go.” And he leaves. Because it’s the master of the realm.
Then the master turns to Dora and is like “how dare you? I gave you a home and you turn on me.”
Then Dora is all “um no bitch, you have made sure to keep me broken and sad. I owe you nothing for these burdens.” Then she storms off like a teenage girl.
The pumpkin head man is like “Hey master great to see you back. Get rid of these blanks that keep coming in from the realm cracks. They’re bad.”
Then Ziggy the blank scarecrow man says a word, “ Sanctry”
And the master tells the pumpkin head man to care for the blanks and teach them.
Then he walk away. Back to the library. Where he takes off his mask and it was Lucien the whole time. Matthew witnesses all this and is like “erm helluva bluff, Luce.”
Then Lucien walks Matthew over to the gallery where they find a huge crack in the wall and Lucien is all,
“New things are always drawn to the land of the Dreaming. It is where they are born.”
FWEAKY.
Makes sense though. All these dreamers creating nightmares and then a master just shuts them out. But when that master checks out the Bahamas for a week all hell breaks loose.
I am V excited about this one. Issue #2 is out October 3rd which is coincidentally National Mean Girls Day and obviously a Wednesday so I’ll be wearing pink at the comic book store waiting for issue #2 “The Foundation.”
If you read this one lemme know what you think about it. Also any other thoughts you have. Write em. I’ll respond.
BYE!
Comic Book Bitch 