Tom Holland, pretend boyfriend of myself, personally attacked me yesterday when he described his third Marvel/Sony Spider-Man film as the end of a franchise.
Spider-Man: No Way Home star, Tom Holland said the third Spidey is the end of the trilogy. And that’s just fucking rude.
“We were all treating [No Way Home] as the end of a franchise…I think if we were lucky enough to dive into these characters again, you’d be seeing a very different version. It would no longer be the Homecoming trilogy.”
He then went on to say that if they did move on with the franchise it would be completely different from the original films. Like, I fucking get it, okay? I do.
But Tom Holland better get it to-fucking-gether, because Marvel is not letting your ass go. NO! *spoiler* Venom just licked your fucking face! You still in this bitch and you better get ready. We get it, you’re like 47 at this point and it’s hard playing a 17-year-old next to Zendaya, the supermodel created in a lab to be perfect, but throw some botox in that forehead and get applying to Empire University because I’m fucking ready for it.
THANK YOU TO EVERYONE FOR ALL OF YOUR SUPPORT IN THESE TRYING TIMES. See you in the multiverse, Spidey love.
If you don’t know what’s going on in Felicia Hardy’s world during this King In Black Marvel Event, I suggest you check out my previous Black Cat Recap.
Now that we’re all caught up, you know that Felicia touched the magic wand that Doctor Strange was going to use to defeat the symbiote army, however since Doctor Strange was incapacitated Felicia decided to do it herself.
This issue finds Felicia trapped in a dark room with Black Fox, her father’s mentor, or rather, a dude who has taken on the shape of Black Fox? She believes that after she touched the wand she died, but Fox assures her this isn’t true.
Not the Black Fox aye? Definitely a Silver Fox tho
He goes on to tell her that he is old magic and basically he’s there to see if she’s worthy of the power she’s now holding.
Back in the real world she’s basically on autopilot, or as I like to call it, “being blacked out from overconsumption.”
Or at least that’s the only time I’ve had that experience. I’ve never touched an Asgardian wand. But I do know what I’m going to call going out to get drunk from now on.
Same thing I say when I see myself in a snapchats the day after a blackout! Wow so much in common.
So Felicia is all “I need to get back” and Fox is all “Come walk through this weird chess room with me.”
Oh I get it, it’s a test.
Felicia heads back and forth from the Asgardian body to the Magic Box or whatever the thing is that she is in, and she kills some symbiote dragons. I can explain this by coming to from a black out, or if you watch Always Sunny in Philadelphia, then it’s called “browning out”
Me replaying an IG story of taking a shot as another gets placed in my hand.
Fox decides to test her and find out her vulnerabilities and it goes like this:
Fox: When did you feel most vulnerable?
Black Cat: When my mom told me my dad died, but he was just in jail. So she a lyin’ ass hoe.
Fox: Gross.
BC: Yeah rude af. But I guess that was hard on her?
Fox: But mostly hard on you, right? Like when Doc Ock fucked up your shit?
BC: Yeah that sucked.
Doctor Strange then wakes us from his coma and he’s like she touched it? GOD DAMMIT! Meanwhile Asgardian Black Cat is still mercin’ all these hoes.
Still don’t know when she found time to braid her hair.
Felicia and Fox continue their “deep” conversation.
Fox : You needed power, Spider-Man showed you that. But no one would give you power except King Pin
Black Cat: Yeah. I know, idiot. I was there.
Read this. It’s kind of the point of the issue and I’m too lazy to explain.
Anyways
Fox: Look at all these people who beat you up.
BC: This is annoying, shut up.
Fox: Are you ready to say yes to ultimate power?
BC: Depends on what I get.
Fox: Your family back together
BC: Cool.
Fox: Power to kill all your enemies.
BC: Cool, cool.
Fox: All your former lovers will love you again.
BC: Those fucking nerds? Hell no! Fuck you I don’t want it!
Fox: WHUUUU??
SOMEBODY CATCH HER!
One of her nerds catches her from the sky and then Doctor Strange is all “wtf.”
And Black Cat is all “I almost took it all, but I really didn’t wanna touch Spider-Man’s peen again.”
It’s almost like it’s inside him
Of course it does end there, a bunch of symbiotes dragons are flying towards them.
Felicia asks Doctor Strange to magic her buddies out of there because all she wants is her nerds to be safe. They get teleported away to safety and Felicia and the Doctor get ready to fight some symbiotes.
Peen-nuts. Now I get it.
AND THAT’S THAT!
Their story continues in King in Black #4!
let me know in the comments if you’d like me to do a recap of that one. I do loves me some Black Cat!
After reading “Back in Black” I was becoming a bit more interested in this little alien symbiote. What I learned from reading this comic is that he really wants to be a hero and he goes by name of “Venom” despite being a parasite to other hosts such as Spider-Man, A soldier, guardian of the galaxy, etc, etc.
The comic book begins with the symbiote’s thoughts. Remember that he’s been living on Earth, away from his true planet for years now and he is still a lonely little guy. He is lamenting away on what he has learned since he “moved” here.
Things the symbiote has learned:
Being a good guy is hard
It easy to be a bad guy
Bad guys use power and the more powerful a bad guy the easier life is
Good guys use strength. That is different than power. (wow deep.)
Things I have learned:
This book isn’t going to be funny
This book isn’t going to be scary
What is this book trying to prove?
I’m going to give it a chance anyway. When villains or anti-heroes get a book its usually gory and also heart-warming. Like, they’ll kill a rapist or something and save a girl and then be like “don’t thank me” all gruffly and walk away.
So this whole time that Venom has been “talking” we’ve been following around this tough guy who, I’m assuming, he’s about to hitch on to.
Lee Price, a giant former army ranger, and a broody, sad one at that.
Lee meets his friend Tony at a diner so that they can meet someone to do a “job.” It’s hard to tell right now if he’s bad or if he’s just “mixed up with the wrong crowd.” It’s hard to tell because he lost two of fingers while he was in the army. So he has that sympathy card. Long story short Tony and Lee decide to do the job.
Meanwhile Venom is still slithering around crying. I feel bad for him. He really likes Peter and he has no friends now. Plus he’s wandering around NYC eating homeless people. RUDY GIULIANI THANKS YOU, V!
Talk about a snack attack.
Tony and Lee take the job and when they’re about to make the trade of some weird toxic gas to a gang, the gang refuses to pay them because they “work for a woman.” Don’t tell me we don’t need feminists, okay? This right here proves that we do. If you’re not a feminist you’re a misogynist and that’s it. Thank you. Bye.
So, Tony pulls out a gun on the gang and the leader pulls one out in retaliation. Unfortunately Lee doesn’t have one…
Yeah dummy!
He got an alien symbiote who been stalkin him doe…And boom thanks to the symbiote Lee’s life is saved. The symbiote and Lee bond their memories together and fight for control. The symbiote hopes to save the city like he used to when he was Spider-Man, but Lee has alternate plans for this poor little symbiote creature. He wants to beat up a lot of dudes. In the suit, Lee murders all the time who had tried to kill him mere moments before, despite lil symbiote’s protests. Awww. He wants to be a good boy. Too bad Lee is a murderous psychopath. WHO KNEW!!??
We didn’t really know until he murders his best friend Tony. I don’t know why he did that. I guess because he wants to keep the suit a secret?
Lee decides to reminisce on his childhood to the suit, he grew up very poor to parents who would abuse each other, possibly abusing him as well. He had a friend with mutant fire powers, who burned their building down and Lee was happy about it. Even commenting that if he was the one with the powers he would have done it years ago and he wouldn’t have gotten caught like the other kid. He says all this as he stacks the bodies of the misogynistic men he just killed and blows them up as he walks calmly away from the explosion behind him.
Cool guys don’t run from explosions.
The last scene is him deciding how he will use the symbiote’s power in his favor. Which made me fantasize about how I would use the power of a magical alien suit that allowed me to “THWIP.” What would you guys do if the “Venom” suit chose you, and you could control him? I, personally, have many, many thoughts. All of them include great power, none of them include responsibility.
Comic Book Bitch 