A manufacturer of exoskeletons believes that Iron Man-esque inventions will be sold at your local fucking Home Depot and Lowes in the future.
So, like, comic book nerds have always figured that Iron Man tech could totes be possible, but like, not in a way you can fight crime in, more like in a way you can battle bots with or win first place a con costume contest. However with some people making exoskeletons, and Tesla robots running rampant, we might live to see the Age of Ultron yet.
California’s SuitX has already begun the process of creating exoskeletons and since this process has already begun and, we quote “HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY” End quote, and we also have quote “THINKING MACHINE SUPER COMPUTERS” the mainstream distribution of these armor suits are already tanking in price.
These exoskeletons aren’t going to make you fly or anything, and if Doctor Octopus shows up in your universe and you’re wearing the nanotech skin suit Tony got you, it’s unlikely that he’s going to be able to extract it for himself. The exoskeletons make you, like, stronger or something? Like, you have to exert less force when you’re wearing it.
These exoskeleton suits used to just be for the army, but then old rich white men decided they wanted to throw these suits on factory workers so they can work less people harder and not have to pay more human beings. Fucking capitalism.
Right now these outfits go for around $45,000 and they’re not even that cute.
girl, go fix your hair.
But hey, if there’s a possibility for a sentient Vision in the future, sign me the fuck up.
In this episode Ilsa and Kyra discuss the legendary tale of the Pizza Rat, their low standards of living, and they celebrate America’s birthday! Happy 2021st birthday to you John Adams!
Then it’s time for So Fucking Quiche or Not Fucking Quiche!
Topics include Robert Rodriguez, Spider-Man couplings, and the new Peacemaker series coming to HBOMax.
Before Ilsa and Kyra get into the recaps for Loki and the Bad Batch, they die and become Force Ghosts because Ryan Reynolds has a fucking TikTok!!
Elizabeth Olsen recently spilled the beans on The Hollywood Reporter‘s Awards Chatter podcast!
I mean, this makes total sense considering she will play an important role in the Multiverse of Madness movie. Which will be about… moving through multiple universes.
But apparently, at the end of the final episode of WandaVision *SPOILERS* we can see her meditating. What she is doing is searching through Multiverses to find Tommy and Billy 😭
Damn telekinesis, chaos magic, reality warping, and now she can travel through universes? What the bitch can’t do?
I knew this wasn’t the last we would see of Tommy and Billy.
But I do have one question, if Wanda can travel through universes and find alternate versions of people, then can’t she find alternative versions of herself? And what version would that be okay to steal another Wanda’s babies. Da fuq? And who is to say that Tommy and Billy even exist in another universe at all? I guess if they do, let’s say there are limitless universes and 100 of them have Tommy and Billy’s. And in 99 of them they have parents, but in one they are orphans? I guess she could pluck them out of that timeline?
Am I thinking way too much into this??
Sorry whenever the podcast goes on hiatus I just can’t help but nerd out on here with my bullshit theories!
Thanks for reading! Leave a comment with your theories about Wanda and her universe traveling abilities.
Xoxo- Comic Book Bitch
For all of your comic book news, comic book resources, comic book updates, marvel news, marvel updates, scarlet witch theories, and WandaVision fan theories
Click below to listen to my podcast on Spotify. This week we talked about Lady Gaga’s dogs, the stimulus package (what stimulus package?), No Way Home theories and of course, WandaVision!!
Anyone else beginning to think that the Sinister Six will be involved in the plot of Spider-Man 3?
If Mysterio is going to be in the next film, or “his presence” as noted by news sources, and Mysterio and the first villain, the Vulture, was also in the Sinister Six then it is a possibility.
Also! Since all of the universes are tied together now, technically we have seen Electro, Doc Ock and the Sandman as villains as well (other members of the sinister six)
The only missing member is Kraven the Hunter, who could definitely make his presence known in the beginning of the film or in one of the other upcoming marvel films.
Amiright or am I crazy? Cause I think I’m both.
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Welcome back to another edition of your friendly neighborhood Comic Book Betch.
This Gwenom VS Carnage #1 is out now! I have high hopes for this run so let’s dive in shall we?
Gwenom AKA Ghost Spider, Peter Parker’s ex-girlfriend, and girl covered in living spiders, is going to college on a different dimension after getting run out of her dimension by evil Storm siblings. This we already know. She’s in college at Empire State University. She has three roommates that she loves very much, and the entire city is covered in Venom goo! Oh no!
She’s having some trouble rounding up these black gooey symbiotes because her Spidey senses don’t work on it.
She is literally Spider-Man.
Ghost Spider tries to save this guy from the symbiote goo. And of course the goo got him and turned him into a monster. So she heads back to her dorm to protect her roommates. But who follows her there?
None other than the dragon goo monsters!
Unfortunately, she cannot save them in time and they all turn into goo pods.
I never knew symbiotes were dragons. COOOOLLL
Then Ghost Spider is a total fucking bad ass, webs herself up some boots and rides that goo dragon like fucking Khaleesi.
I love bad bitches. THAT’S MY MOTHER FUCKING PROBLEM.
Then she says she needs to find out what’s going on, so she needs Peter or Miles’ help? Why the fuck do you need a man’s help, bitch? You can solve this shit on your own. I blame the writer. Why even bring that up? We don’t need that line. Throw it out, burn it, bury it the in backyard. Mourn tomorrow because today Ghost Spider is lighting up this shit.
So as she’s crying about needing a man’s help, she decides she’s going to use her necklace to teleport back to her dimension because obviously the world is over here. Unfortunately something is fucked up with the transporter and I’m not really sure what’s going on there.
Looks like some goo got her.
Back in Earth-65 however, Mary Jane is being used as a torture victim for the Jackal, who is upset that Gwen Stacey is gone so he’s gotta use this bitch as his second choice. Just like Peter!
Too soon?
He tries to douse her in the same spiders that Gwen uses to make her Ghost Spider suit. Because with his logic, the spiders are bonded to Gwen and Gwen is bonded to Mary-Jane, sooo, a friend of my friend is also my friend?
Mary Jane screams out for her friend, Gwen. And somehow they are bonded together and Mary-Jane is forced into the Earth-616 time zone.
“Hmmm…did you guys have any other friends? No? Oh. Damn.”
So Mary-Jane in Earth-616 gets there by basically splitting Gwen in half, however Gwen is fine after she births the 20-something full grown woman from her chest.
Gwen was midway in the air while MJ came careening out of her chest so now she is falling from the sky and Gwen is just in time to save her life.
Unfortunately they fall into a pile of goo and MJ is immediately corrupted.
Knull the God of the Symbiotes is creepily watching all of this happen, hence the red in the last panel. I guess he sees everything in red? So how does he notice red flags amiright? He probably doesn’t date much amiright? Okay, I’m done.
So Knull feels MJ and merges with her. Yuck. So now he has taken over Mary-Jane’s symbiote body and she has become Carnage. HENCE THE NAME OF THE COMIC.
Wait, why do you get to be Carnage???” “Because I have red hair, duh. Geeze Gwen you’re so dumb.”
We’re off to the races now aren’t we boys! And did you notice that nice new Symbiote suit Gwen’s got on? Pretty sweet.
Will you be reading the next issue of Gwenom VS Carnage? Let me know in the comments!!
Hey, maybe you could’ve used this list last month. And to that I say, I didn’t think of this until now. Anyways, here is a collection of my Must Reads and favorite Comic Books. I would say they’re in order, but lyke they’re not. Except #1 is my #1.
Matt Fraction and Dan Aja’s – Hawkeye. (You knew this would be here)
Saga by Brian K. Vaughan and Fiona Staples
Old Man Logan by Mark Millar and Steve Mcniven
Spider-Man: Back In Black by J. Michael Straczynsk and and illustrated by Ron Garney, Bill Reinhold, Matt Milla and Cory Petit
Cable and Deadpool: Separation Anxiety written by Fabian Nicieza and Reilly Brown. Artists Mark Brooks, Patrick Zircher, Lan Medina, Reilly Brown, Ron Lim, Staz Johnson, and Jon Malin
The Walking Dead by Robert Kirkman
Watchmen Obv. Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons
The New Avengers by Brian Michael Bendis
Rat Queens by Kurtis J. Wiebe and Roc Upchurch
Kick- Ass: The Dave Lizewski Years by Mark Millar and John Romita Jr.
Marvel Zombies by Robert Kirkman and Sean Phillips
Marvel 1602 by Neil Gaiman
Batman: The Killing Joke by Alan Moore and Brian Bolland
Batman: The Long Halloween by Jeff Loeb and Tim Sale
Y: The Last Man by Brian K. Vaughan and Pia Guerra
I decided to stop at 15 but there are so many more. Also sorry not sorry this is mostly Marvel. I was born and raised on my Marvel hoes.
And once I cracked it open, I realized I had no idea what was going on in it because it apparently takes place after a series I am currently not reading, Spider-Geddon #2. SO if you are reading the Spider-Geddon you already know more than me about these Spider-Girls. But I don’t care and I shall plow through this comic book recap with the confidence of a white man.
This comic book is written by Jody Houser. The cover artist is Yasmine Putri…there may be variant cover, but this is the one I got!
Anyways the “Spider-Girls” in this comic book are as follows: May “Mayday” Parker AKA Spider-Woman Earth-982, Anya Corazon (Spider-Girl) and Annie May Parker (Spiderling). Their names are all so similar it is annoying but we will power through! …..With the confidence of white men.
It is briefly explained to us that May and Anya are working on a way to defeat these Spider-eating beings called “Inheritors.” IDK. Apparently it’s a thing. And all these different earths and realities and universes really confuse me, too. Anyways, the two Spider-Girls are lyke “we have to travel to this Earth-Universe-Reality thing that hasn’t been attacked by the Inheritors and find out why.
Which leads us to Annie’s reality. Where she and her father, Spider-Man and her mother, Mary-Jane all fight crime together. Annie has this interesting spider power where she has an extra special spider-sense that allows her to see visions.
Annie, MJ, and Peter are swinging around the city fighting a gang of Vulture kids. They easily take them out and Annie is like monologuing this whole time about how she has a “suped-up spider-sense and she’s been a hero practically her whole life. Um brag much?
Why does she wear a purse?
Then Peter makes a terrible Wolverine-based “joke”- and I say “joke” because it wasn’t funny, but for some reason it is later referred to as a joke so that is why it needs the quotes.
Anyways after the “joke” Annie blacks out for a second and nearly falls to her death. Luckily her dad is able to scoop her up. They head home to figure out what is making Annie blackout.
You should write for shouts and murmurs
Anya and May show up in Earth-18119 and Anya immediately remarks that they beat the Inheritors here so that is good. And also that the Spider or Spiders on this Earth, have a deep connection to the “Web of Life.”
The Spider-Girls are having a time enjoying New York City and taking it all in before it is inevitably destroyed like every other NYC the Inheritors have been through. While they’re checking the place out they see a giant image of the family of spiders. And then Anya makes some weird ass comment.
Anya: A whole family of spiders? But that doesn’t look like you! Mayday, are you okay?
And May day is like “yeah I’m totallyyy fine.” But she lyke, is not fine.
BACK AT THE HOME OF THE SPIDERS
Annie’s parents are concerned about her blackouts. And she’s being a defiant little snob. She must be a teenager because she is annoying. Her parents are like “take a break from the superhero routine.” And she’s all “no way, I had a vision that something bad is coming and I need to protect people.” Vomit.
bad news ur dad is a creep
Also why the heck does Peter Parker have a teenage daughter and still look 18?
Allofasudden she has another vision and she tells her parents to suit up because some shit is going down.
Next scene Anya and May are taking down more vultures. They knock them out and keep swinging, when May falls out of the sky, similarly to how Annie fell out earlier. She falls on a roof so she’s fine, but then this huge Vulture man pops up.
You aint squashed a damn thing, vulture and you know it!
But before they can fight him, the Spider family shows up to save the day. They immediately decide to team up and they beat the shit out of everybody.
THWIP! THWAP! THWOP!
After the fight they do introductions and MJ nearly starts crying when she finds out May’s name. Because I guess that her first born died and her name was Mayday Parker. So…WEIRD.
They all head back to the Spider family’s home and Anya and May let them know about the Inheritors.
Anya takes out these spider scrolls she has been carrying around like a yoga mat all day long and Annie is like “This shit is fucking with my visions, hoe.”
And they’re all “Visions? Whhaaa?”
And Annie is like “omg pay attention.”
May is like “Well this means this is the hoe we lookin for because she has a connection to the scrolls.”
Annie is like “I ain’t a hoe.”
Then Mary Jane hides in a corner and cries and Annie is like “what’s wrong mom, is it weird that your dead alternate daughter is alive and here in your house?”
LIKE, OBVIOUSLY THAT IS WHAT IS WRONG, ANNIE!
Then immediately, Peter and MJ decide to join the Inheritor war in the alternate dimensions, meanwhile they’re just gonna leave their teenage daughter alone in this reality with these two strangers they literally met an hour before and try to figure out some fucking “mystical scrolls!” What sort of parents are these???
someone call social services
What did ya’ll think of Spider-Girls #1?
I thought it was cute. It seems like it’s going to be a nice, fun read which will be a nice break from the dramatic shit I am currently watching and reading now. Like The Haunting of Hill House. OMFG. That show is the spookiest thing I’ve seen all year. But now I have a nice little comic book to chill me out after screaming for an hour every episode, so that is nice.
After reading “Back in Black” I was becoming a bit more interested in this little alien symbiote. What I learned from reading this comic is that he really wants to be a hero and he goes by name of “Venom” despite being a parasite to other hosts such as Spider-Man, A soldier, guardian of the galaxy, etc, etc.
The comic book begins with the symbiote’s thoughts. Remember that he’s been living on Earth, away from his true planet for years now and he is still a lonely little guy. He is lamenting away on what he has learned since he “moved” here.
Things the symbiote has learned:
Being a good guy is hard
It easy to be a bad guy
Bad guys use power and the more powerful a bad guy the easier life is
Good guys use strength. That is different than power. (wow deep.)
Things I have learned:
This book isn’t going to be funny
This book isn’t going to be scary
What is this book trying to prove?
I’m going to give it a chance anyway. When villains or anti-heroes get a book its usually gory and also heart-warming. Like, they’ll kill a rapist or something and save a girl and then be like “don’t thank me” all gruffly and walk away.
So this whole time that Venom has been “talking” we’ve been following around this tough guy who, I’m assuming, he’s about to hitch on to.
Lee Price, a giant former army ranger, and a broody, sad one at that.
Lee meets his friend Tony at a diner so that they can meet someone to do a “job.” It’s hard to tell right now if he’s bad or if he’s just “mixed up with the wrong crowd.” It’s hard to tell because he lost two of fingers while he was in the army. So he has that sympathy card. Long story short Tony and Lee decide to do the job.
Meanwhile Venom is still slithering around crying. I feel bad for him. He really likes Peter and he has no friends now. Plus he’s wandering around NYC eating homeless people. RUDY GIULIANI THANKS YOU, V!
Talk about a snack attack.
Tony and Lee take the job and when they’re about to make the trade of some weird toxic gas to a gang, the gang refuses to pay them because they “work for a woman.” Don’t tell me we don’t need feminists, okay? This right here proves that we do. If you’re not a feminist you’re a misogynist and that’s it. Thank you. Bye.
So, Tony pulls out a gun on the gang and the leader pulls one out in retaliation. Unfortunately Lee doesn’t have one…
Yeah dummy!
He got an alien symbiote who been stalkin him doe…And boom thanks to the symbiote Lee’s life is saved. The symbiote and Lee bond their memories together and fight for control. The symbiote hopes to save the city like he used to when he was Spider-Man, but Lee has alternate plans for this poor little symbiote creature. He wants to beat up a lot of dudes. In the suit, Lee murders all the time who had tried to kill him mere moments before, despite lil symbiote’s protests. Awww. He wants to be a good boy. Too bad Lee is a murderous psychopath. WHO KNEW!!??
We didn’t really know until he murders his best friend Tony. I don’t know why he did that. I guess because he wants to keep the suit a secret?
Lee decides to reminisce on his childhood to the suit, he grew up very poor to parents who would abuse each other, possibly abusing him as well. He had a friend with mutant fire powers, who burned their building down and Lee was happy about it. Even commenting that if he was the one with the powers he would have done it years ago and he wouldn’t have gotten caught like the other kid. He says all this as he stacks the bodies of the misogynistic men he just killed and blows them up as he walks calmly away from the explosion behind him.
Cool guys don’t run from explosions.
The last scene is him deciding how he will use the symbiote’s power in his favor. Which made me fantasize about how I would use the power of a magical alien suit that allowed me to “THWIP.” What would you guys do if the “Venom” suit chose you, and you could control him? I, personally, have many, many thoughts. All of them include great power, none of them include responsibility.
Comic Book Bitch 