DEADPOOL WAS GONNA BE IN THE SHANG-CHI CAGE FIGHTS

And They Fucking Thought They Could Get Away With It

New concept art from Shang-Chi and the legend of the ten rings revealed that Deadpool was supposed to make his big MCU debut and they fucking scrapped it!

I imagine whoever’s idea it was to put Deadpool in Shang-Chi got promoted, and whoever vetoed the idea got fired.

This image was created by Andrew Kim and depicts both Deadpool and Proxima Midnight duking it out in the art work. Nobody is really sure if the photo was just Kim dicking around and showing off The Golden Daggers Club and what kinda shit goes on there, or if it truly was supposed to be Deadpool instead of Abomination and Wong.

The main ish is that Proxima Midnight ain’t alive cause Tony killed them with the Infinity Stones. Soo….However I have a lot to say on this subject

1. um, that doesn’t matter because no one is really dead when it comes to comic book stuff
2. He could have been the one fighting Abomination
3. He could have fought literally anyone else
4. He could have fought Wong. I think we would all give our left kidneys for that fight.

Anyways, guess they had to introduce Abomination cause he is showing up in She-Hulk, so we had to be reminded that he’s still a thing. And Wong, well he’s just so damn lovable and cute why don’t they just throw him in one scene in every MCU movie like instead of Sam J?

All I want to know is, where the heck is Deadpool? Cause he did show up with Korg in a commercial announcing his MCU return. BUT WAS THAT IT? WAS THAT THE BIG OH IM DEADPOOL IM IN THE MCU LOOK AT ME AND KORG.

OMG. 5. He could have fought Korg!

Some people might be like, shut up hoe, stop complaining cause we are definitely getting a Deadpool 3 which is legit af. But to those people I say, you shut up you dumb hoe, I want to see Deadpool in the Multiverse of Madness! Maybe just running around in the X-Mansion feeding grapes to Colossus or something.

But Ryan Reynolds told us he’s not in the Doctah Strange movie. Which is like, do we believe him? I don’t know. Cause I trust that man with my life, but I also trusted Andrew Garfield and Tobey Maguire with my life as well, and look how that turned out.

I am a ghost.

Mmmmm yeah. K Bye.

XOXO,

Comic Book Bitch

Hey you ever wanted to be Tony Stark?

No, I don’t mean an alcoholic!

A manufacturer of exoskeletons believes that Iron Man-esque inventions will be sold at your local fucking Home Depot and Lowes in the future.

So, like, comic book nerds have always figured that Iron Man tech could totes be possible, but like, not in a way you can fight crime in, more like in a way you can battle bots with or win first place a con costume contest. However with some people making exoskeletons, and Tesla robots running rampant, we might live to see the Age of Ultron yet.

California’s SuitX has already begun the process of creating exoskeletons and since this process has already begun and, we quote “HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY” End quote, and we also have quote “THINKING MACHINE SUPER COMPUTERS” the mainstream distribution of these armor suits are already tanking in price.

These exoskeletons aren’t going to make you fly or anything, and if Doctor Octopus shows up in your universe and you’re wearing the nanotech skin suit Tony got you, it’s unlikely that he’s going to be able to extract it for himself. The exoskeletons make you, like, stronger or something? Like, you have to exert less force when you’re wearing it.

These exoskeleton suits used to just be for the army, but then old rich white men decided they wanted to throw these suits on factory workers so they can work less people harder and not have to pay more human beings. Fucking capitalism.

Right now these outfits go for around $45,000 and they’re not even that cute.

girl, go fix your hair.

But hey, if there’s a possibility for a sentient Vision in the future, sign me the fuck up.

XOXO,

Comic Book Bitch

King in Black: Gwenom VS Carnage #1 Comic book recap – I wish these dragons didn’t eat my friends.

Written by Sean McGuire

Art by Flaviano

Colorist: Rico Renzi

Welcome back to another edition of your friendly neighborhood Comic Book Betch.

This Gwenom VS Carnage #1 is out now! I have high hopes for this run so let’s dive in shall we?

Gwenom AKA Ghost Spider, Peter Parker’s ex-girlfriend, and girl covered in living spiders, is going to college on a different dimension after getting run out of her dimension by evil Storm siblings. This we already know. She’s in college at Empire State University. She has three roommates that she loves very much, and the entire city is covered in Venom goo! Oh no!

She’s having some trouble rounding up these black gooey symbiotes because her Spidey senses don’t work on it.

She is literally Spider-Man.

Ghost Spider tries to save this guy from the symbiote goo. And of course the goo got him and turned him into a monster. So she heads back to her dorm to protect her roommates. But who follows her there?

None other than the dragon goo monsters!

Unfortunately, she cannot save them in time and they all turn into goo pods.

I never knew symbiotes were dragons. COOOOLLL

Then Ghost Spider is a total fucking bad ass, webs herself up some boots and rides that goo dragon like fucking Khaleesi.

I love bad bitches. THAT’S MY MOTHER FUCKING PROBLEM.

Then she says she needs to find out what’s going on, so she needs Peter or Miles’ help? Why the fuck do you need a man’s help, bitch? You can solve this shit on your own. I blame the writer. Why even bring that up? We don’t need that line. Throw it out, burn it, bury it the in backyard. Mourn tomorrow because today Ghost Spider is lighting up this shit.

So as she’s crying about needing a man’s help, she decides she’s going to use her necklace to teleport back to her dimension because obviously the world is over here. Unfortunately something is fucked up with the transporter and I’m not really sure what’s going on there.

Looks like some goo got her.

Back in Earth-65 however, Mary Jane is being used as a torture victim for the Jackal, who is upset that Gwen Stacey is gone so he’s gotta use this bitch as his second choice. Just like Peter!

Too soon?

He tries to douse her in the same spiders that Gwen uses to make her Ghost Spider suit. Because with his logic, the spiders are bonded to Gwen and Gwen is bonded to Mary-Jane, sooo, a friend of my friend is also my friend?

Mary Jane screams out for her friend, Gwen. And somehow they are bonded together and Mary-Jane is forced into the Earth-616 time zone.

“Hmmm…did you guys have any other friends? No? Oh. Damn.”

So Mary-Jane in Earth-616 gets there by basically splitting Gwen in half, however Gwen is fine after she births the 20-something full grown woman from her chest.

Gwen was midway in the air while MJ came careening out of her chest so now she is falling from the sky and Gwen is just in time to save her life.

Unfortunately they fall into a pile of goo and MJ is immediately corrupted.

Knull the God of the Symbiotes is creepily watching all of this happen, hence the red in the last panel. I guess he sees everything in red? So how does he notice red flags amiright? He probably doesn’t date much amiright? Okay, I’m done.

So Knull feels MJ and merges with her. Yuck. So now he has taken over Mary-Jane’s symbiote body and she has become Carnage. HENCE THE NAME OF THE COMIC.

Wait, why do you get to be Carnage???” “Because I have red hair, duh. Geeze Gwen you’re so dumb.”

We’re off to the races now aren’t we boys! And did you notice that nice new Symbiote suit Gwen’s got on? Pretty sweet.

Will you be reading the next issue of Gwenom VS Carnage? Let me know in the comments!!