Well, well, well. Look who decided to show the fuck up.
Principal photography on Warner Bros. and DC Films’ The Flash is officially a bitch walking into Starbucks and finding a line out the door. So done.
Get it? No? Okay I’ll keep trying.
Colin Nicolson, a sound mixer for the movie confirmed the wrap on his IG. “That’s a wrap on The Flash. #influencer #la #lainfluencer #soundguy #soundguyinfluencer #soundguyinfluencersofinstagram.”
Production on The Flash has suffered massive setbacks, like literally the writers were signed back in 2015. I was like, still a fetus then. Goo goo gah gah.
Like, a whole bunch of shit happened to cause these delays including Seth Grahame-Smith signing on to direct and dipping out only to be replaced by Rick Famuyiwa, who is was like “oops I signed on to The Flash? I thought I was signing on to The Rash, a post apocalyptic feature about and STI running rampant.” .
After that dude left, Warner Bros. got Joby Harold to rewrite the script cause it was shit. Now we’re in fucking 2018 and I’m finally out of the womb still waiting on this damn movie.
John Francis Daley and Jonathan Goldstein were announced as the new directors, but that was literally just an April Fools joke, because then, Andy Muschietti was named the new director in August 2020, and production began with bitches in masks in April 2021. Despite the new script and new director, there were still some setbacks like an accident with a Batcycle. Whatever the fuck that is. Listen I don’t make the news, I just copy paste it and then make fun of it.
Barry Allen will be played by the great Ezra Miller, which I have no jokes about because Ezra Miller to The Flash is Ryan Reynolds to Deadpool.
Also there are some Batman’s in this movie including Ben Affleck and Michael Keaton. Um, who gonna tell DC that Marvel is already doing multiverses?
You know who won’t be in this movie and was supposed to be? A hot guy with metal arms!!
That’s right I’m fucking tal’m bout Cyborg. He was supposed to be in it but fucking Joss Whedon is a mother fucking white man who hates black people AND women SO! Ain’t happening. They were gonna be besties but racism is real!
So excited for another superhero movie starring a straight white male!! 😀
Well, we may not be getting a season 2 of WandaVision but at least we’re getting the best part of that show in a titular role.
The plot of the spinoff hasn’t been written yet, but Disney already roped in head writer of WandaVision, Jac Schaeffer, with a three- year contract. They’ve gotten out the whips and are attacking her back until Schaeffer lets us know what the plot is. Much better than the water boarding torture they used on the Russos.
Hahn originally appeared in WandaVision as Agnes, Wanda and Vision’s neighbor and sex-crazed aerobics enthusiast.
It was revealed later on in the series that Agnes was actually Agatha Harkness, TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT NAMES I MEAN MY GOD HOW COULD WE HAVE EVER SPECULATED THAT AGNES COULD BE AGATHA WHEN THEIR NAMES OR SO DISSIMILAR??
As it turned out, it was Agatha all along. A witchy witch with burnt finger tips and an affinity for fucking Evan Peters. And who can blame her? Give me any version of Quicksilver and I can guarantee they won’t leave my bedside without getting sexed up.
The WandaVision series finale had Wanda use her abilities to alter Agatha’s mind and make her believe she truly was Westview citizen Agnes Bohner.
Maybe the series will start with her being just Agnes and then slowly realizing that she isn’t? Or maybe that bunny will finally be of some use. Mephisto style.
The most I can hope for is the return of Ralph Boehner. If Evan Peters isn’t in this series and doesn’t join the MCU then I demand another HBO limited series of him speaking in a Delco accent.
Eternals Star, Kingo, promotes Lexus cars to the imbecilic Marvel audience .
Kingo recently hit the road in his Lexus IS 500 sports sedan in a new promotional attempt between Marvel Studios and Lexus. The two-minute promo spot portrays Kingo as an idiot guy who would rather take a sports car to a battle when human lives are at stake, rather than use one of his borne super powers of flight or teleportation. Hell this moron could have ran super fast to the battleground! Instead, Kingo drives his flashy car and that gets him into quite the pickle as he can’t find a dern parking spot! Doh!
Kingo drives his stupid car through the streets as his teammates look worriedly around for their 10th member. As the battle rages on all around him he finds that he’s much more interested in finding a parking spot for his fancy car rather than help his friends or save the world. He receives a notification from Sersi to “hurry.” OBVIOUSLY. But Kingo dgaf. Not even a little bit, cause if there is flaming debris being chucked around, he can’t take the risk that it might hit his, most likely well-insured, vehicle.
As he continues to look for a safe place to park his Lexus S 500 sports sedan, his tiny little teammate, Sprite, calls him up and she sounds very concerned that he hasn’t arrived yet, and ya know they could really use his help against these extremely dangerous and formidable foes.
Kingo is like, “hey I shouldn’t talk on the phone and drive, I need to concentrate on finding a parking spot. If you need help, maybe call an Avenger or something. Okay, take care, bye bye now.”
Well, can’t wait for the Eternals to release on November 5th! I really hope Kingo can find himself a damn parking spot!!
XOXO- ComicBookBitch.
-Check back often for all of your comic book news, comic book resources, Eternals Movie News, and Eternals Movie Updates!
In this episode Ilsa and Kyra discuss the legendary tale of the Pizza Rat, their low standards of living, and they celebrate America’s birthday! Happy 2021st birthday to you John Adams!
Then it’s time for So Fucking Quiche or Not Fucking Quiche!
Topics include Robert Rodriguez, Spider-Man couplings, and the new Peacemaker series coming to HBOMax.
Before Ilsa and Kyra get into the recaps for Loki and the Bad Batch, they die and become Force Ghosts because Ryan Reynolds has a fucking TikTok!!
Elizabeth Olsen recently spilled the beans on The Hollywood Reporter‘s Awards Chatter podcast!
I mean, this makes total sense considering she will play an important role in the Multiverse of Madness movie. Which will be about… moving through multiple universes.
But apparently, at the end of the final episode of WandaVision *SPOILERS* we can see her meditating. What she is doing is searching through Multiverses to find Tommy and Billy 😭
Damn telekinesis, chaos magic, reality warping, and now she can travel through universes? What the bitch can’t do?
I knew this wasn’t the last we would see of Tommy and Billy.
But I do have one question, if Wanda can travel through universes and find alternate versions of people, then can’t she find alternative versions of herself? And what version would that be okay to steal another Wanda’s babies. Da fuq? And who is to say that Tommy and Billy even exist in another universe at all? I guess if they do, let’s say there are limitless universes and 100 of them have Tommy and Billy’s. And in 99 of them they have parents, but in one they are orphans? I guess she could pluck them out of that timeline?
Am I thinking way too much into this??
Sorry whenever the podcast goes on hiatus I just can’t help but nerd out on here with my bullshit theories!
Thanks for reading! Leave a comment with your theories about Wanda and her universe traveling abilities.
Xoxo- Comic Book Bitch
For all of your comic book news, comic book resources, comic book updates, marvel news, marvel updates, scarlet witch theories, and WandaVision fan theories
Click below to listen to my podcast on Spotify. This week we talked about Lady Gaga’s dogs, the stimulus package (what stimulus package?), No Way Home theories and of course, WandaVision!!
Anyone else beginning to think that the Sinister Six will be involved in the plot of Spider-Man 3?
If Mysterio is going to be in the next film, or “his presence” as noted by news sources, and Mysterio and the first villain, the Vulture, was also in the Sinister Six then it is a possibility.
Also! Since all of the universes are tied together now, technically we have seen Electro, Doc Ock and the Sandman as villains as well (other members of the sinister six)
The only missing member is Kraven the Hunter, who could definitely make his presence known in the beginning of the film or in one of the other upcoming marvel films.
Amiright or am I crazy? Cause I think I’m both.
– Follow Comic Book Betch for comic book news, comic book resources, and MCU updates.
I’m sure the full story will be good but issue one was just boring.
They probably should have made it into a graphic novel because I would need to see it as a full story.
That being said, the art was really pretty and it seemed like a very dark comic book that is about to get a lot more interesting.
I hope.
Jesus it feels like Maria Llovet just sent out an unfinished copy and was like “um, idk here you go, Boom Studios. Just Print that. I’ll figure something else out later.”
And we know you’re good for it Maria. We do.
Anyways!!!
Here are the four things that actually happened in this comic book.
We meet our protagonist, in the first few pages. She fancies eye patches and lives in a dirty and dingy home with her pill-popping mother who also wears a nurse outfit and has a second maid outfit, so I’m assuming by her wardrobe she is a stripper or prostitute. Or she is a nurse with a second job cleaning houses. But don’t we pay nurses enough money that they can afford to be single and raise one child? I feel like all the nurses in the world are single and raising one kid.
Anyways the main bitch is named Eva and her mom works two jobs to send her to a fancy school that she needs a scholarship for and she wakes her mom up to sign the forms then she heads off to school.
She enters through a service door and sees this rude ass bitch with pink hair inside. Her name is violeta and I guess that’s why she did that to her hair. She is rude af and tells Eva that she doesn’t have any class and then Eva is like I don’t have time for this shit, and Violeta I think tries to stop her from leaving this weird shed they’re in but she runs out anyway calling after this dude Mack.
Who has five fingers and is ready to slap them across your face??
She meets up with Mack and she’s all out of breath, but she didn’t even run that far. She’s super dramatic this one. Anyways their conservation goes like this
Mack: breathe you weirdo.
Eva: sorry
Mack: have you seen my sister?
Eva: no, but look over there.
Then there’s a weird close up on a girl that is not his sister, amber. And she is just minding her own business reading a book or something.
Mack: okay tell your mom I said hi, bye now.
This bitch is not Amber
That bitch Amber. Which begs the question. Who dat other bitch?
So then Mack grabs his sister and is like “you left your homework at home.” And she says “I told you I wouldn’t do it.” And he says “well here it is bitch.” And he hands her a rolled up thing of papers. V ominous. But I gotta say, pretty sweet you got your brother to do your homework for you.
So cut to the next scene, were back with that one girl, but she has short hair so she might be a guy, I don’t know. Stop asking me to assign genders to people. So the short-haired person, lets call them Not-Amber, Not Amber gets their own scene in which they pick up a dead bird and start rubbing it with two fingers. Not creepy at all Not-Amber. You’re being so normal!
You’re almost acting too normal, dial it back a little.
Now they’re in choir and singing. Also I guess Not-Amber is a boy because now he’s wearing the boys uniform. But he’s so dang pretty. And those look like small boobs up there 👆. I’m still waiting on confirmation.
Eva goes to class and stares at Not-Amber throughout the whole thing while her classmates throw trash on her.
Then Eva turns in her scholarship forms to the lady from the hunger games. I guess she works at this fancy high school now.
Let the games begin!
It turns out Eva is pretty unpopular, from being accosted in a shed, to getting trash thrown on her. Next she gets made fun of for being poor by a group of girls who think her shirt color is off. But honestly it’s the same color as their dumb shirts.
She sits outside eating chocolate bars for lunch and then she goes to the library to creep on Not-Amber again.
When Eva gets home she gets undressed and eats more chocolate and plays with the bruises that cover her body. It turns out she had a black eye which is why she wore the eye patch around. So I don’t really know who is hurting her? Or if she hurts herself? Maybe she got bruised from the trash that was thrown at her? Idk.
Hi, I’m Eva just your average teenage girl that hangs skeletons from my ceiling and eats chocolate for every meal!
She goes home and writes a suicide note and posts it on Facebook. Then proceeds to draw fake blood on her body with a red marker. Yeah, I’m beginning to see why this girl has no friends.
Anyways she has to go clean something for some reason and i think she has to either go to Amber and Mack’s house cause he mom is the maid there or she goes back to school. Either way she finds Not Amber drinking the blood of Amber. Eva freaks out, takes a picture and then drops all of her cleaning supplies. Like, could you be anymore obvious?
This is so beautiful and terrifying all at once
She then goes home and stares at the picture in a corner of her room and is happy now? I think?
I’m not someone who finds meaning in things easily. And the fact that reading this requires multiple brain neurons I have not succeeded fully in understanding what actually happened. I will say that I do want to read more just because it is Maria Llovet. I think it will be better when the whole series comes together. I might wait a few months and then catch up on the issues. What about you? Did you like the first issue? Are you excited for what’s coming up??? Do you want to find out once and for all who or what Not-Amber is?? And why they were eating Amber???
Comic Book Bitch 