Well, well, well. Look who decided to show the fuck up.
Principal photography on Warner Bros. and DC Films’ The Flash is officially a bitch walking into Starbucks and finding a line out the door. So done.
Get it? No? Okay I’ll keep trying.
Colin Nicolson, a sound mixer for the movie confirmed the wrap on his IG. “That’s a wrap on The Flash. #influencer #la #lainfluencer #soundguy #soundguyinfluencer #soundguyinfluencersofinstagram.”
Production on The Flash has suffered massive setbacks, like literally the writers were signed back in 2015. I was like, still a fetus then. Goo goo gah gah.
Like, a whole bunch of shit happened to cause these delays including Seth Grahame-Smith signing on to direct and dipping out only to be replaced by Rick Famuyiwa, who is was like “oops I signed on to The Flash? I thought I was signing on to The Rash, a post apocalyptic feature about and STI running rampant.” .
After that dude left, Warner Bros. got Joby Harold to rewrite the script cause it was shit. Now we’re in fucking 2018 and I’m finally out of the womb still waiting on this damn movie.
John Francis Daley and Jonathan Goldstein were announced as the new directors, but that was literally just an April Fools joke, because then, Andy Muschietti was named the new director in August 2020, and production began with bitches in masks in April 2021. Despite the new script and new director, there were still some setbacks like an accident with a Batcycle. Whatever the fuck that is. Listen I don’t make the news, I just copy paste it and then make fun of it.
Barry Allen will be played by the great Ezra Miller, which I have no jokes about because Ezra Miller to The Flash is Ryan Reynolds to Deadpool.
Also there are some Batman’s in this movie including Ben Affleck and Michael Keaton. Um, who gonna tell DC that Marvel is already doing multiverses?
You know who won’t be in this movie and was supposed to be? A hot guy with metal arms!!
That’s right I’m fucking tal’m bout Cyborg. He was supposed to be in it but fucking Joss Whedon is a mother fucking white man who hates black people AND women SO! Ain’t happening. They were gonna be besties but racism is real!
So excited for another superhero movie starring a straight white male!! 😀
Well, we may not be getting a season 2 of WandaVision but at least we’re getting the best part of that show in a titular role.
The plot of the spinoff hasn’t been written yet, but Disney already roped in head writer of WandaVision, Jac Schaeffer, with a three- year contract. They’ve gotten out the whips and are attacking her back until Schaeffer lets us know what the plot is. Much better than the water boarding torture they used on the Russos.
Hahn originally appeared in WandaVision as Agnes, Wanda and Vision’s neighbor and sex-crazed aerobics enthusiast.
It was revealed later on in the series that Agnes was actually Agatha Harkness, TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT NAMES I MEAN MY GOD HOW COULD WE HAVE EVER SPECULATED THAT AGNES COULD BE AGATHA WHEN THEIR NAMES OR SO DISSIMILAR??
As it turned out, it was Agatha all along. A witchy witch with burnt finger tips and an affinity for fucking Evan Peters. And who can blame her? Give me any version of Quicksilver and I can guarantee they won’t leave my bedside without getting sexed up.
The WandaVision series finale had Wanda use her abilities to alter Agatha’s mind and make her believe she truly was Westview citizen Agnes Bohner.
Maybe the series will start with her being just Agnes and then slowly realizing that she isn’t? Or maybe that bunny will finally be of some use. Mephisto style.
The most I can hope for is the return of Ralph Boehner. If Evan Peters isn’t in this series and doesn’t join the MCU then I demand another HBO limited series of him speaking in a Delco accent.
Eternals Star, Kingo, promotes Lexus cars to the imbecilic Marvel audience .
Kingo recently hit the road in his Lexus IS 500 sports sedan in a new promotional attempt between Marvel Studios and Lexus. The two-minute promo spot portrays Kingo as an idiot guy who would rather take a sports car to a battle when human lives are at stake, rather than use one of his borne super powers of flight or teleportation. Hell this moron could have ran super fast to the battleground! Instead, Kingo drives his flashy car and that gets him into quite the pickle as he can’t find a dern parking spot! Doh!
Kingo drives his stupid car through the streets as his teammates look worriedly around for their 10th member. As the battle rages on all around him he finds that he’s much more interested in finding a parking spot for his fancy car rather than help his friends or save the world. He receives a notification from Sersi to “hurry.” OBVIOUSLY. But Kingo dgaf. Not even a little bit, cause if there is flaming debris being chucked around, he can’t take the risk that it might hit his, most likely well-insured, vehicle.
As he continues to look for a safe place to park his Lexus S 500 sports sedan, his tiny little teammate, Sprite, calls him up and she sounds very concerned that he hasn’t arrived yet, and ya know they could really use his help against these extremely dangerous and formidable foes.
Kingo is like, “hey I shouldn’t talk on the phone and drive, I need to concentrate on finding a parking spot. If you need help, maybe call an Avenger or something. Okay, take care, bye bye now.”
Well, can’t wait for the Eternals to release on November 5th! I really hope Kingo can find himself a damn parking spot!!
XOXO- ComicBookBitch.
-Check back often for all of your comic book news, comic book resources, Eternals Movie News, and Eternals Movie Updates!
In this episode Ilsa and Kyra discuss the legendary tale of the Pizza Rat, their low standards of living, and they celebrate America’s birthday! Happy 2021st birthday to you John Adams!
Then it’s time for So Fucking Quiche or Not Fucking Quiche!
Topics include Robert Rodriguez, Spider-Man couplings, and the new Peacemaker series coming to HBOMax.
Before Ilsa and Kyra get into the recaps for Loki and the Bad Batch, they die and become Force Ghosts because Ryan Reynolds has a fucking TikTok!!
Elizabeth Olsen recently spilled the beans on The Hollywood Reporter‘s Awards Chatter podcast!
I mean, this makes total sense considering she will play an important role in the Multiverse of Madness movie. Which will be about… moving through multiple universes.
But apparently, at the end of the final episode of WandaVision *SPOILERS* we can see her meditating. What she is doing is searching through Multiverses to find Tommy and Billy 😭
Damn telekinesis, chaos magic, reality warping, and now she can travel through universes? What the bitch can’t do?
I knew this wasn’t the last we would see of Tommy and Billy.
But I do have one question, if Wanda can travel through universes and find alternate versions of people, then can’t she find alternative versions of herself? And what version would that be okay to steal another Wanda’s babies. Da fuq? And who is to say that Tommy and Billy even exist in another universe at all? I guess if they do, let’s say there are limitless universes and 100 of them have Tommy and Billy’s. And in 99 of them they have parents, but in one they are orphans? I guess she could pluck them out of that timeline?
Am I thinking way too much into this??
Sorry whenever the podcast goes on hiatus I just can’t help but nerd out on here with my bullshit theories!
Thanks for reading! Leave a comment with your theories about Wanda and her universe traveling abilities.
Xoxo- Comic Book Bitch
For all of your comic book news, comic book resources, comic book updates, marvel news, marvel updates, scarlet witch theories, and WandaVision fan theories
Anyone else beginning to think that the Sinister Six will be involved in the plot of Spider-Man 3?
If Mysterio is going to be in the next film, or “his presence” as noted by news sources, and Mysterio and the first villain, the Vulture, was also in the Sinister Six then it is a possibility.
Also! Since all of the universes are tied together now, technically we have seen Electro, Doc Ock and the Sandman as villains as well (other members of the sinister six)
The only missing member is Kraven the Hunter, who could definitely make his presence known in the beginning of the film or in one of the other upcoming marvel films.
Amiright or am I crazy? Cause I think I’m both.
– Follow Comic Book Betch for comic book news, comic book resources, and MCU updates.
It’s X-Men #16 recap time! I’m sure you are all still on the edge of your seat’s from last month’s X-Men #15 recap, this one is a lot less intense! If you consider taking a really long time to pick your kid up from the playground intense.
Written by Jonathan Hickman
Cover Art by Leinil Francis Yu
Penciller Phil Noto
In the last issue Jean and Cyclops had to convince the Quiet Council of letting them pick up their son from the Otherworld. In the end the council said no you can’t and they were like whatever, bye.
It seems that the story was continued in another comic’s storyline, but it wasn’t Cable’s so I have no idea what happened between then and now, but I will tell you that Jean and Cyclops are now with their son Cable and Cable isn’t being a baby backed bitch anymore who doesn’t know how to kill bitches like what happened in Cable #6 when he started crying.
Apparently the two islands that the two mutant groups live on, Arrako and where our heroes live, Krakoa, are divorced, but the islands are thinking about getting back together and becoming one land like they used to be, OKKKUUURRAAA
All Hail Bardi Cardi
So what needs to happen is these two islands need to fall in love again so that they can combine, but nobody really knows how to make that happen so they’re just trying to figure that shit out at this point.
Does this hood make me look stupid? NM don’t answer that.
Meanwhile, Cypher, a mutant who is merged with Krakoa and acts as his translator, decides to meet with the other island in the middle of the water, and they would just be big trees having a talk about how to split the kids up.
You look…nice. New trimmings?
It does not go well. Cypher returns to the Quiet Council letting them know that the trees are still not into each other therefore the islands ain’t gonna merge. He says it’s because the mutants on Arakko are weirdos and speak a different language and there are also twice as many mutants on that island than this one. They are more barbaric I think is where he is going with this but we shall see.
WHO SAID THAT!? DID THAT EMPTY CHAIR SAY THAT?! IS ANYONE ELSE HEARING VOICES?!
Later on Arakko, a woman representative of Arakko, who is wearing a cooler suit than even Iron Man has ever debuted and wearing the colors no less, has a discussion with Magneto and Charles. Their conversation goes like this:
Gold Chick: Your man-child friend, the one who is married to that bad bitch from my island, Bei, he said we’re going to remain two islands.
Charles: Yeah. That is Cypher. The man-child you speak of.
Gold Chick: I don’t care. What’s that in your hand?
Magneto: This is a flower for you. So that you can come and go to each island as you please.
Gold Chick: Flower? I can tell right now you two are bitch boys. Tell me what you got going on over there on Krakoa.
Magneto: We have a quiet council.
Gold Chick: It’s a child’s society. We have been around for thousands of years what the hell do you expect us to do with your play pretend circle of man-children?
Charles: We would like to work together and form some sort of working relationship.
Gold Chick: We are war bitches. We kill everyone. It’s a wonder I haven’t killed you now. And I didn’t mainly because when you got here I was killing something else. SO!
Charles: Can you still take our unity offer to your ruler?
Gold Chick: I will, but you’re still little bitches.
Magneto: Haha she called you-
Gold Chick: No! Both of you!
So, so she doesn’t want these flowers?
SO THAT WENT WELL.
Charles thinks that they need to prepare in case the Arakko come after them now so they need to fill some seats on the council. Magneto asks Jean and Cyclops to fill the empty council seats and they are like “Um, no.” And Magneto is all “wtf? Why not?” And they’re all “We want to lead the X-Men WAAH WAHHH WAHH”
Magneto: God you guys look stupid in those clothes. Do I look as dumb as you?
Charles asks them if he can talk them out of it and Jean and Cyclops say no. So Magneto says, so who is on your team? And they kind of look at each other like they each smelled a fart but are too polite to point it out for fear of embarrassing the culprit which Is obviously one of the two old geezers in the room. And then Magneto is like, “who is on your team idiots?” And they are like “Dunno. Since the X-Men is created to fight for the people we were thinking we would have the people choose.” Then Magneto is like, but people are famously dumb. You know who got elected to office in America in 2016? And Cyclops is like “we know, but we want to have a vote anyway.”
So there you have it folks. The first election on Krakoa. I can’t wait to see the campaigns these nerds come up with to make it on to the X-Men team.
This is my cool gang sign for the X-Men. You, like, you put your arms, like you cross them, but you poke your fists out and you go “UNGH” and it’s like an X, but it’s bad ass cause it’s your fists. Chyeah.
All jokes aside this seems like a fun and creative way for the writers to show some butt-kicking and heartfelt scenes exactly they way they want to show them. Total and complete creative control.
The first issue of this comic book by Jonathan Maberry really got me interested in this series, in the second part of the story we find out more about who is behind the Chika-who-da-whats-its virus. And it’s white people. SPOILER.
In the last issue we learned that Moses set up a group of people together to find out who is behind this contagion that has killed 800,000 people. And Chick and De are on it.
Ooo a skylight! Fancy!
They scope out a science HQ and drop in. Chick thinks it’s going to be easy, but De knows that they need proof. So that’s their main mission. Get in without taking too many lives, and get out with proof that these a-holes are behind an ethnic genocide using bio-weapons.
What’s so interesting about this story is it happens all the time in the world, perhaps not to this scale, but ethnic groups are targeted by people with more money or more technology all the time. I mean, America was literally created by decimating groups of brown people by white people bringing in their nasty-ass plagues because they used to live on streets with poop on them. Plus they were infested with all kinds of STIs cause they hoes which they happily passed onto these brown people who have no tolerance for it. So that was cool. ANYWAYS, I digress.
Does anyone else love how eloquently I write?
Chick and De come in hot, blowing up these scientists and their security guards left and right. Chick is like “this is fun.” De is like “Um we need someone alive to question.”
How many deaths do you think, these two are responsible for? Ironic.
Chick and De find a scientist to question. He tells them that the people responsible call themselves the “Ark” and forced the scientists into creating these viruses through extortion and blackmail. He mentioned that they possessed “photos” so you know, they were probably cheating on their wives with transgender hookers or looking at kiddie porn online. Most men are terrible.
The scientist tells them everything about who hired them and the different viruses his team created and targeted. But sadly, they can’t take him with them because he gets shot in the head by a snyper. A dumb snyper who doesn’t shoot the other two. Like, hello? Shoot De and Chick. Anyways, they left a bomb inside the place so I guess that was supposed to take care of them, but it didn’t because they didn’t make it back inside before the bomb exploded. So now they don’t have evidence, except what they heard from the guy who is dead now. They should have worn body cams. JUST MY OPINION.
I like this panel because the blood from the guys head keeps dripping down and then Chick says this insane thing. Which I am going to start saying all the time.
De and Chick return to their HQ without a scientist, without samples, without any evidence since it was all blown up and/or shot in the head. The people at the HQ discuss their next steps.
Moses: We need evidence and since Pandemica is unofficial we can’t ask for samples.
De: We’ll just kill a bunch of people and get the samples that way.
Chick: Loverboy is on their team. He scares me. I keep his photo with me always.
Me and Loverboy are the bestest friends.
Scientist: So, as it turns out these viruses also cause random mutations in differing people. It’s only a matter of time before these mutations become extreme. Like in this photo, comic book betch is going to show you below.
Yum.
CUT TO:
INT: The Ark – Day
The billionaire guy from issue #1 and his evil daughter are speaking with one of their scientists discussing these new mutations.
Billionaire Guy: What’s happening, why are white people mutating?
Scientist: There is no such thing as ethnic purity.
Evil Daughter: Um, actually everyone with white skin is ethnically pure except for Jews. Idiot. Haven’t you ever read books by these racists, Arthur de Gobineu and Hans Gunther!? They say Eugenics is the shit. And I’m here to tell you, absolutely fuck yeah. If these white people are mutating it’s because they have mud in their blood. I’m going to start calling them Mudbloods.
Scientist: Mudbloods is a made-up slur for witches and wizards born to muggles in the Harry Potter universe.
ED: Oh then, I’ll call them No-Majs.
Scientist: What? That is less offensive, but it’s a term for muggles in America-
ED: I’m not understanding.
Scientist: Anyways, these viruses are mutating white people which are dangerous to the population and you’ve basically started an apocalypse. That’s where this story is going now. Please follow along.
I think you mean, Mudblood, Dad.
We’re done with that scene, next up Moses and the Scientist he has put on some bio-suits and go into the wild for some samples.
These “dirty white” mutants have taken over a bunch of cities, like Washington DC and Philadelphia.
Other than not being cute and causing riots, I am unsure of what they do.
The Pandemica crew discusses how unhelpful their government in America is, since these outbreaks are happening in 32 states and many people are dying, and the government is simply calling it a “natural disaster.”
De believes that is the Ark blackmailed their scientists they probably blackmailed some key people in Washington. They decide to take what they know to the media instead of relying on the government for support. And what they know is that being white isn’t enough when it comes to bio-weapons. The disproportionate numbers come from, most likely, vaccinations beforehand. So what they need is the blood of the ones who have survived these outbreaks. Moses says that won’t work because people can refuse to have their blood drawn. De and Chick said, that’s not a problem for them because they don’t need permission.
PIZZAA!!!!!!!
Back to the white baddies. They’re at some sort of white person soiree. And one of their friends is mutating from these diseases they unleashed. It turns out that The billionaire guy has a “bloodhound” that MIGHT be able to stop the mutations. But it might also kill all the white people, too. The BG doesn’t care though because he believes himself to be a chosen one from God or something.
Hey, nobody said racists were smart, ok?
Then we do another cut-to, to the future this time. De is carrying a baby in a hazmat suit. As it turns out, this bloodhound completely destroyed the world as we know it and the key to something lies in the baby’s blood. But De can’t let the baby fall into the wrong hands, so she is protecting her. But then this happens.
Ruh-Roh!
THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS:
Don’t trust gingers.
K, thanks for reading! SERIOUSLY THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING! If you liked this go ahead and leave me a comment!
Comic Book Bitch 