Eternals Star, Kingo, promotes Lexus cars to the imbecilic Marvel audience .
Kingo recently hit the road in his Lexus IS 500 sports sedan in a new promotional attempt between Marvel Studios and Lexus. The two-minute promo spot portrays Kingo as an idiot guy who would rather take a sports car to a battle when human lives are at stake, rather than use one of his borne super powers of flight or teleportation. Hell this moron could have ran super fast to the battleground! Instead, Kingo drives his flashy car and that gets him into quite the pickle as he can’t find a dern parking spot! Doh!
Kingo drives his stupid car through the streets as his teammates look worriedly around for their 10th member. As the battle rages on all around him he finds that he’s much more interested in finding a parking spot for his fancy car rather than help his friends or save the world. He receives a notification from Sersi to “hurry.” OBVIOUSLY. But Kingo dgaf. Not even a little bit, cause if there is flaming debris being chucked around, he can’t take the risk that it might hit his, most likely well-insured, vehicle.
As he continues to look for a safe place to park his Lexus S 500 sports sedan, his tiny little teammate, Sprite, calls him up and she sounds very concerned that he hasn’t arrived yet, and ya know they could really use his help against these extremely dangerous and formidable foes.
Kingo is like, “hey I shouldn’t talk on the phone and drive, I need to concentrate on finding a parking spot. If you need help, maybe call an Avenger or something. Okay, take care, bye bye now.”
Well, can’t wait for the Eternals to release on November 5th! I really hope Kingo can find himself a damn parking spot!!
XOXO- ComicBookBitch.
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In this episode Ilsa and Kyra discuss the legendary tale of the Pizza Rat, their low standards of living, and they celebrate America’s birthday! Happy 2021st birthday to you John Adams!
Then it’s time for So Fucking Quiche or Not Fucking Quiche!
Topics include Robert Rodriguez, Spider-Man couplings, and the new Peacemaker series coming to HBOMax.
Before Ilsa and Kyra get into the recaps for Loki and the Bad Batch, they die and become Force Ghosts because Ryan Reynolds has a fucking TikTok!!
Elizabeth Olsen recently spilled the beans on The Hollywood Reporter‘s Awards Chatter podcast!
I mean, this makes total sense considering she will play an important role in the Multiverse of Madness movie. Which will be about… moving through multiple universes.
But apparently, at the end of the final episode of WandaVision *SPOILERS* we can see her meditating. What she is doing is searching through Multiverses to find Tommy and Billy 😭
Damn telekinesis, chaos magic, reality warping, and now she can travel through universes? What the bitch can’t do?
I knew this wasn’t the last we would see of Tommy and Billy.
But I do have one question, if Wanda can travel through universes and find alternate versions of people, then can’t she find alternative versions of herself? And what version would that be okay to steal another Wanda’s babies. Da fuq? And who is to say that Tommy and Billy even exist in another universe at all? I guess if they do, let’s say there are limitless universes and 100 of them have Tommy and Billy’s. And in 99 of them they have parents, but in one they are orphans? I guess she could pluck them out of that timeline?
Am I thinking way too much into this??
Sorry whenever the podcast goes on hiatus I just can’t help but nerd out on here with my bullshit theories!
Thanks for reading! Leave a comment with your theories about Wanda and her universe traveling abilities.
Xoxo- Comic Book Bitch
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I just started watching Invincible yesterday and I already watched all 7 episodes out now.
It is safe to say that I am obsessed with this show. I read the comic a few years ago and then fell off of reading it. I can’t wait to go back and re read everything now!
The tv show is dark and dangerous and really really fucking gross with all of the blood and gore, but that’s what makes it so good.
Invicible’s Steven Yuen can really deliver those one-liners like a pro, and I have to say, it makes me really happy to see an Asian superhero. idk many others, especially not ones you find in mainstream media.
I’m sure there is something gross and fetish-y out there with Asian super women because white men dominate the comic book industry. But that’s another topic entirely.
I really also like that they got Asian actors to voice their Asian characters, it seems like such a small thing but it makes a big impact. It’s upsetting when POC are portrayed by white people on television, even if they’re just lending their voices.
Anyways, I can’t wait to watch more. Are you watching Invincible?
For all of your comic book news, comic book resources, nerd news, nerd opinions, invincible news, and fangirl bull shit.
Anyone else beginning to think that the Sinister Six will be involved in the plot of Spider-Man 3?
If Mysterio is going to be in the next film, or “his presence” as noted by news sources, and Mysterio and the first villain, the Vulture, was also in the Sinister Six then it is a possibility.
Also! Since all of the universes are tied together now, technically we have seen Electro, Doc Ock and the Sandman as villains as well (other members of the sinister six)
The only missing member is Kraven the Hunter, who could definitely make his presence known in the beginning of the film or in one of the other upcoming marvel films.
Amiright or am I crazy? Cause I think I’m both.
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I’m sure the full story will be good but issue one was just boring.
They probably should have made it into a graphic novel because I would need to see it as a full story.
That being said, the art was really pretty and it seemed like a very dark comic book that is about to get a lot more interesting.
I hope.
Jesus it feels like Maria Llovet just sent out an unfinished copy and was like “um, idk here you go, Boom Studios. Just Print that. I’ll figure something else out later.”
And we know you’re good for it Maria. We do.
Anyways!!!
Here are the four things that actually happened in this comic book.
We meet our protagonist, in the first few pages. She fancies eye patches and lives in a dirty and dingy home with her pill-popping mother who also wears a nurse outfit and has a second maid outfit, so I’m assuming by her wardrobe she is a stripper or prostitute. Or she is a nurse with a second job cleaning houses. But don’t we pay nurses enough money that they can afford to be single and raise one child? I feel like all the nurses in the world are single and raising one kid.
Anyways the main bitch is named Eva and her mom works two jobs to send her to a fancy school that she needs a scholarship for and she wakes her mom up to sign the forms then she heads off to school.
She enters through a service door and sees this rude ass bitch with pink hair inside. Her name is violeta and I guess that’s why she did that to her hair. She is rude af and tells Eva that she doesn’t have any class and then Eva is like I don’t have time for this shit, and Violeta I think tries to stop her from leaving this weird shed they’re in but she runs out anyway calling after this dude Mack.
Who has five fingers and is ready to slap them across your face??
She meets up with Mack and she’s all out of breath, but she didn’t even run that far. She’s super dramatic this one. Anyways their conservation goes like this
Mack: breathe you weirdo.
Eva: sorry
Mack: have you seen my sister?
Eva: no, but look over there.
Then there’s a weird close up on a girl that is not his sister, amber. And she is just minding her own business reading a book or something.
Mack: okay tell your mom I said hi, bye now.
This bitch is not Amber
That bitch Amber. Which begs the question. Who dat other bitch?
So then Mack grabs his sister and is like “you left your homework at home.” And she says “I told you I wouldn’t do it.” And he says “well here it is bitch.” And he hands her a rolled up thing of papers. V ominous. But I gotta say, pretty sweet you got your brother to do your homework for you.
So cut to the next scene, were back with that one girl, but she has short hair so she might be a guy, I don’t know. Stop asking me to assign genders to people. So the short-haired person, lets call them Not-Amber, Not Amber gets their own scene in which they pick up a dead bird and start rubbing it with two fingers. Not creepy at all Not-Amber. You’re being so normal!
You’re almost acting too normal, dial it back a little.
Now they’re in choir and singing. Also I guess Not-Amber is a boy because now he’s wearing the boys uniform. But he’s so dang pretty. And those look like small boobs up there 👆. I’m still waiting on confirmation.
Eva goes to class and stares at Not-Amber throughout the whole thing while her classmates throw trash on her.
Then Eva turns in her scholarship forms to the lady from the hunger games. I guess she works at this fancy high school now.
Let the games begin!
It turns out Eva is pretty unpopular, from being accosted in a shed, to getting trash thrown on her. Next she gets made fun of for being poor by a group of girls who think her shirt color is off. But honestly it’s the same color as their dumb shirts.
She sits outside eating chocolate bars for lunch and then she goes to the library to creep on Not-Amber again.
When Eva gets home she gets undressed and eats more chocolate and plays with the bruises that cover her body. It turns out she had a black eye which is why she wore the eye patch around. So I don’t really know who is hurting her? Or if she hurts herself? Maybe she got bruised from the trash that was thrown at her? Idk.
Hi, I’m Eva just your average teenage girl that hangs skeletons from my ceiling and eats chocolate for every meal!
She goes home and writes a suicide note and posts it on Facebook. Then proceeds to draw fake blood on her body with a red marker. Yeah, I’m beginning to see why this girl has no friends.
Anyways she has to go clean something for some reason and i think she has to either go to Amber and Mack’s house cause he mom is the maid there or she goes back to school. Either way she finds Not Amber drinking the blood of Amber. Eva freaks out, takes a picture and then drops all of her cleaning supplies. Like, could you be anymore obvious?
This is so beautiful and terrifying all at once
She then goes home and stares at the picture in a corner of her room and is happy now? I think?
I’m not someone who finds meaning in things easily. And the fact that reading this requires multiple brain neurons I have not succeeded fully in understanding what actually happened. I will say that I do want to read more just because it is Maria Llovet. I think it will be better when the whole series comes together. I might wait a few months and then catch up on the issues. What about you? Did you like the first issue? Are you excited for what’s coming up??? Do you want to find out once and for all who or what Not-Amber is?? And why they were eating Amber???
I don’t know why I said that. It’s not like we were waiting for her to go to India.
Or were we?
I digress.
Another banger in season two this time from Peter Milligan and Alison Sampson. Kevin Smith was behind the other stories from Season Two including when Hit-Girl took Hollywood.
Now if you know comic book betch, then you know I loves me some Hit-Girl. I love how she’s doing all these four-part mini series cracked into one book. That way I can do #1 recaps of Hit-Girl all the time! Yay!!
We begin with Mindy back on a plane. I think she’s first class because the flight attendant knows her by name and offers her a kids’ breakfast, but Mindy opts for black coffee and a copy of the Mumbai Times.
What kinda fucking breakfast is that?! You want these kids shitting all over the walls?!
Bitch whatchu mean you ain’t got no plan?
She reveals that she doesn’t know what she’s doing there yet. Which is fine, ya know see the world while you’re young. Not everything has to be a mission.
But it does seem like she’s not traveling for pleasure and is indeed looking for work.
So then we’re in this rich persons house and he’s on the phone with his thugs. Apparently the rich guy on the phone likes to pick up street kids and mutilate their bodies and then send them back out onto the street. I don’t know how this could make you rich so I’m going to assume it’s just another rich man’s hobby.
“I’m a collector of three-limbed children. Hmm yes, just another rich man’s hobby!”
The thug the rich man was on the phone with decides to capture some kids for his rich employer. He beats up two little boys and throws them in the back of his car. An easy gig if you can get it. Must be nice. I mean these are kids. And starving kids on top of it. That job must be so easy.
Anyways it’s not a long time before Mindy attacks the car.
Nice necklace lock.
She easily takes down the guy and his accomplice driver.
A thirteen year old girl just sliced a man’s forehead in front of us! COOL!! That will not scar us for life at all!!!
Mindy takes the boys home, or back to their street that is, and the boys are less than grateful. Fucking dummies. They’re like “oh you’re not Spider-Man” and she defends herself telling them that she had to know exactly what she was seeing before she attacked and saved them and the boy whines “they almost hit me.” ALMOST? Motherfucker you were almost kidnapped and mutilated and you’re upset that the woman who saved you didn’t come the moment before the guy raised his hand to ALMOST hit you? This kid is an idiot but apparently extremely well-read because when Mindy calls herself a cultural imperialist, the boy owns her about her own ignorance.
It’s not a sex thing? So like he’s totally not interested in little boys in a sexual way? Would he be sexually interested if you were missing a limb? He would. Okay yeah it’s a sex thing. Everything is a friggin sex thing.
He lets her know what the thug’s mo is. Which is something the reader already kind of knows because the rich guy was talking about taking away children’s limbs. But yeah apparently the rich guy likes to cripple children and have them beg for him?
Sure, we all need multiple forms of income in this economic climate so who could blame the guy? That’s just smart business sense.
So next, after offering Mindy a meal from the trash, the kids gather round to listen to the news. Because, kids in this world fucking love news.
The story they are doing is about the Hijari which are group of southeast Asians who identify as a “third gender” which I believe means trans, since in the next panel more thugs are beating these women up and telling them they shouldn’t have cut off their penises. They could also be hermaphrodites? Seems to be all women and they worship a goddess deity. This is most likely male-female transgendered people.
The thugs continue to beat up these women and some of them are pretty old so it’s pretty fucked up. The Hijari tell the men that they will curse their sons which scares off two of the thugs but one has quote “already had a vasectomy.” So he continues to beat them all up.
Technically they have, too.
Apparently this isn’t just a run of the mill hate crime and the Hijari owe money to whoever these thugs work for. Is it the same rich guy from the beginning? I don’t know yet. Could be unrelated.
CUT TO: BBC WORLD NEWS HEADQUARTERS
A reporter, Aubrey, and his boss are discussing doing a story on the Hijari. The boss wants the reporter to “spice up” the story and sexualize it and make it about prostitution, but the reporter doesn’t want to do it because he says they’re not all prostitutes. And that they can bless the heads of boys or something even though they can’t bring life.
Why is everybody so mad at prostitutes?!
The boss is still like no, and your show is boring and if doesn’t stop being boring you’re going to get pushed to three minute stories at 3am. Aubrey is like I don’t care I want the people to know their story. And the producer is like “why do you care about those weirdos”
And it turns out he is married to one of the Hijari. He comes home and finds her with a black eye and he knows that the gangs are after the Hijari again and they want them to prostitute themselves to pay the gang. He says he’ll call the police but his wife, Prema says that the police commissioner is in the gang’s pocket and they can’t think of anyone who could possibly help them.
CUT TO: TEENAGE VIGILANTE HIT GIRL FUCKING SHIT UP.
Mindy is trying to get people to talk but the people of Mumbai are not afraid of death. Makes sense because according to their religion they will be reborn again. Since her tricks aren’t working she’s just killing people and letting them start their new lives.
Wouldn’t it be crazy if he survived and just got mutilated and then joined that gang she’s trying to find, and then he comes back like you did this to me!! And she’s like Whoaaaa!! WHOAAA!!!
Mindy decides that she’s chasing a dead end with the mutilated beggars, but she’s been thinking a lot about the Hijari since she heard the radio show with the beggar boys. She feels “connected” to them because she dresses up to hide who she is and they dress up to show who they are. Which is the opposite of something you can do but oookkkayyyy Mindy whatever you say.
She gives it once last shot at finding out who the Beggarman is, the guy who mutilates children, because she sees a mutilated boy rolling around in a cart because his legs are all twisted up. She says she’ll give him a dollar if he gives her more information. The boy grabs the dollar and rolls down a hill in his cart right into traffic.
WHY ARE YOU DRAGGING LONG RHYTHMIC GYMNASTICS SASHES BEHIND YOU?!
She loses him in the traffic and heads to see the Hijari. They’re chillin at home doin shit all, crying about how they’re not prostitutes. Also, why do they have to become prostitutes? Can’t they just start an online business or get part-time waitressing jobs?
No, comic book betch, they can’t start an online business because they need money ASAP and they can’t become waitresses because they have no prior experience.
Jk. I know they can’t get regular jobs because people hate them because they’re different. So… prostitution it is. One of the oldest professions in the world, mind you. Nothing to scoff at.
The thugs come back to the crying hoes and tell them they need to start hoeing. The crying hoes are all “we haven’t ever prostituted before it might take some time.”
The thug is like “okay, that’s fine.” Which is pretty out of character.
Then a woman walks in all disguised and the thug is like “I want this hoe out on the street too.” And the main woman in the Hijari is like “I don’t know this hoe.”
Turns out the hoe is Mindy and she rips off her traditional dress and start shooting the thugs.
Do you think the guy in the third panel is stuttering “nah-new” or saying “Ca-new?” Like canoe. “I canoe it!!!”
She kills the three guys who were harassing the women but The Hijari aren’t pleased because they had a plan all along which is why they were buying time. They were going to poison the head of the gang in a few days and now they’re going to get blamed for Mindy killing the dudes. They shame her and tell her to get the fuck out.
She is shamed and feels like a monster and leaves with her head down.
CUT TO: rich guys place
The rich beggarman guy is speaking with the cart boy and he says he’s a monster because he’s mutilated and missing a finger. Which is dumb because who cares this kids legs are twisted. Anyways he goes on this weird tyraid about how he’s rich now and he could fix his finger but he doesn’t because it reminds him of who he is and he feels for his mutilated “children.” He also apparently knows that Mindy is in town because cart boy told on her and he decides he’s going to mutilate Mindy and make her “one of them”
Wow you’re missing half a finger. Yeah that’s a reason to go around cutting limbs off of homeless boys in Mumbai. I’ve never heard of a reason that someone WOULD start cutting limbs off of people so this seems reason enough. Geeze, villains don’t even need a strong motive anymore.
BUM BUM BAHHH
So now he’s on her ass. Part 2 is already out , so I’ve gotta go and get to reading the next part!!
I know this one has been out for a few months. The current issue out right now is #3, but I only recap #1 comic books so…yeah, I’m gonna do that.
Moth & Whisper by one of my new favorites, Aftershock comics, is about two thieves. It was written by Ted Anderson with art done by Jen Hickman, I should also mention they were co-creators/collaborators. So yeah.
You what’s wrong with your shoulder?
The comic book begins by introducing the two super thieves, Moth & Whisper.
It goes on to explain that Moth is a chick who can change faces and steal people’s things by bumping into them and then turning into a new person so you can’t find her. She leaves behind a calling card which is of a Moth.
Dis her
Dis her too
Whisper works just as well and in a similar manner except no one has ever seen his face. True or fake, they literally don’t even know he was there. Sometimes the only way you knew who you were robbed by because he would leave behind a calling card of a skull with a hand over his mouth. He also exposed government secrets so that was his thing apparently.
Excuse me sir, you ain’t holding on to your shit correctly
After we get introduced to these thieves we move to a new set of what seems like the bad guys. They’re insulting each other and talking about owning the black market on firearms. So yeah definitely bad guys. And most likely European. Because who needs a black market when anyone get a gun in America? No matter your criminal background, psychological background, or what have you, you can just get a gun. A machine gun even! If you can afford military grade weapons then by George you can get one!!
Nice scarf! Ooo hey someone is watching you!
I digress.
Back to Moth & Whisper. These thieves had no ties and they would steal from anyone who paid them. They had even been told to steal from each other. However no one had heard of them or seen a calling card from them in 6 months and people believed that they were gone and there was no one who could ever replace them.
In the next scene we see a woman behind a man and she is talking to him. She has just slipped some important files into his pocket. He is like “thanks, so you’re moth? You don’t look how I thought you would.” And she’s like “yeah.” Then he goes, “well let me get you the rest of your payment…” And she’s like “already got it, peace out.” And he’s like “wait up did you read what is on these files.” And she’s like “Um, no. It’s not my business.” Then she ducks out and changes outfits/faces/hair/everything. She emerges as the Whisper.
I can see you!!!
The Whisper has been hired by a seedy looking bunch. And the main guy is like “where’s my shit?” Whisper hands it over and the guy is like “Weird you took this job since last time you got into a firefight (whatever that is) with half my guys.” Whisper is like fuck. The main guy goes on to say that Whisper sold the details of his convoy to this guy’s rivals. Whisper is like hmm double fuck, “How do you know I was the leak?” The main guy is like “shut up, you’re caught. Then there is this bright white light and a bunch of smoke and the henchmen all scramble around to find the Whisper. However, Ol’ Whispy took a dude hostage and is about to get away.
Hugs for everyone! No? Just this guy then!
The Whisper shoots some people and runs the heck out of there. Once outside he calls on his suit to make an emergency change as he runs out into the streets.
Omg where are your pants??
The henchmen run out after the Whisper and find nothing. She already turned and jumped onto the subway. BYE FELICIA! DON’T WAIT UP!
Anyways this girl who is both the Moth & Whisper is on the subway thinking to herself about how badly she fucked up. She’s like “I should’ve known Haag was after Whisper. I gave away the drive without getting payment first, I’m a fucking idiot.” I’ll say.
She heads back to a safe house that is creepy AF.
Why are you wearing a winter coat with a pair of bike shorts? You are not a Kardashian. This makes no sense to me.
Once inside, she tells the suit to remove itself from her body and put her back to normal. And as she removes her mask, she wonders how her mom and dad did all this thievin so good!
As legend would have it the Moth & Whisper are enemies but its not true. They were partners/lovers and they ended up having a child with blonde hair which makes absolutely no sense because Moth is black and Whisper is a white person with black hair. Look at the kid.
I wish I had a suit that told me to eat all the time.
Now look at the parents
Maybe they adopted? Adoption is normal.
WHY IS THE CHILD BLONDE?!
Anyways as Niki eats her fucking Top Ramen she replays an old video that her parents left her in that old “In case we go missing please watch” bags.
Basically in the video Niki’s parents tell her to stay in the safe house and not to go looking for them and that they will be back at some point. As it seems at this point they’ve been gone for six months. Shit is crazy. And now Niki is dawning Moth’s costume and doing some crazy ass shit for no reason. I guess if the kid isn’t in school she needs a hobby so whatever, I will not fault her this time.
Her parents left behind all these files on bad guys as well as a suit that allows Niki to go out and be whoever she wants, as well as a shit ton of weapons and some money, so apparently they want her to be them? IDK it seems like bad parenting but also there would be no book if the kid was just like “wow I have super spies for parents, okay night night.” END OF SERIES.
So Niki decides since she has all this crap and nothing but time she might as well find out who adult-napped her parents. Niki believes that the only person who has enough resources and hate against both spies is a man named Ambrose Wolfe so that is her target.
Interesting choice for a haircut, henchman with two fat triangles on your head.
He seems like a charming enough guy but Niki isn’t into him. She says her parents would never work for the guy because he was so awful. Ya know human trafficking and stealing organs is kinda weird. But anyways we leave on this powerful note.
I’m shaking
V Cool. V exciting. I wonder if her parents are going to come back or if they’re dead? I will be very disappointed if they are dead just because I would like to read a comic book about them. Maybe they will come out with a prequel and that would be very fun for me.
Anyways what did y’all think of this here comic book? YAY OR NAY? Let me know in the comments section!
Comic Book Bitch 