I’m back betches. I’ve been reading this new Batman series by Geoff Johns, Jason Fabok, and Brad Anderson.
It’s about Batman and three jokers. Just like in the title. Three issues have come out so far and this one is the best one.
Batman has teamed up with Batgirl and his old Robin, Red Hood, or Jason. The most hated Robin of all time. In the first issue they discovered that there are three jokers parading around killing people and they need to find the real one. Red Hood shoots one of them and that makes Batman and Batgirl really mad because they are super weird for the law, and then in the second issue they discover that the remaining two jokers are creating tons of other jokers because the Jokers want to create the ULTIMATE JOKER. That’s what leads us here. OH and Batgirl totally kissed Red Hood last issue and then immediately regretted it and we find out why she regretted it in this issue.
So let’s recap shall we?
First off the trio are having a meeting which gets heated quickly, with Batman grabbing Jason and threateningly holding him. Like Batman, take a chill pill. A Xanax. A Xanax is a chill pill btw.
After they scream dramatically at each other for a minute, Barbara is like, dudes wtf? Fragile masculinity amiright? So because she owns them both they both take a breath and Batman reminds them that they agreed to work together and Red Hood can’t go and shoot everybody all willy nilly. Like a cop. RIP BREONNA TAYLOR
The trio is like, well the jokers are trying to make a better joker. The ultimate joker, maybe if we knew who the real joker was, and his true identity this would be easier and Batman is like “er, righhttt. Anyways Jason I’m sorry I assumed you were dead and then left you for dead, but the writers asked the readers to call a number if they wanted you live and another number if they wanted you to die, and everyone wanted you to die, so the fact that you’re alive now means that the writers DID not listen to the audience.”
And Red Hood is like “Oh is it because I’m mad annoying? And was mad annoying? And still am really annoying?”
And Batman is like “yeah.”
Then Jason says “I think you know who the real joker is and you’re not telling us.”
And Batman is all “nuh-uh.”
Next scene, Batman goes to prison to visit Joe Chill. Joe Chill is the man who murdered Batman’s parents in front of him. Anyways he’s dying of cancer and has been moved to a hospital bed, but the Jokers took him from the hospital bed and brought him to a movie theater.
All of the bats and Red Hoods get to the theater and it’s raining. Spooky.
They split up in the theater. Batman finds Joe Chill and a Joker immediately, meanwhile his two sidekicks are fighting jokers on the other levels.
Batman tries to save Joe Chill, but Joker is wearing a vest of dynamite, snooze. Get another prank will you? Anyways, he’s playing a video in the theater of Joe Chill explaining why he killed Bruce’s parents, and why he is sad about it and knows it was a mistake.
Batman is all, “Hey Joker, this is an old man dying of cancer why do you want to make him into a Joker?”
Joker: Because he means everything to you! And I want to mean everything to you!
Batman: Awe. That’s cute.
Batgirl: WTF?
Batman: Like, you know, in a stalkery way.
Batgirl: *raises eyebrows*
So there’s this bath of chemicals that creates Jokers, and This Joker wants to drop Joe Chill in it, and he even has him hanging from rope tied to a chair right above it, any second he can cut it and Joe will go tumbling in.
CUT TO: crazy fight scene
Batman knocks the lighter from Joker’s hands, Joker shoots at Batman, Batman kicks Joker in the stomach, Joker slits the rope and Joe goes tumbling towards the chemical bath, but aha Batman saves him!
Outside of the theater, Joe apologizes to Batman, then Batman saves Joe’s life again when crumbling pieces of the roof threaten to crush him. The Joker shows up and then gets shot in the face and Batman is like “wha?” And it turns out it’s another Joker who shot him. Batman arrests this one and it’s over! Now Red Hood can awkwardly hit on Batgirl!
The remaining Joker, The Comedian, explains everything, and I’m too lazy to write it so here’s the picture.
This Joker says he knew how the whole thing would play out, Batman would save Joe Chill’s life knowing that he was sorry and he was the one in pain now, not Batman. That would heal Batman from his parents death and now his greatest pain would be the Joker. SUCH A CREEP!
Later Joe Chill dies, and Bruce holds his hand as he goes. HOW SWEET. Oh my gosh this is the love issue for sure.
Red Hood drives off to Alaska, but before he goes, he writes a note to Barbara AKA Batgirl. It goes something like this:
Dearest Barbara,
I’ve always admired you, for being hot and kicking people’s asses. I will totally give up being Red Hood to be with you, and we can have babies and I’ll be a stay-at-home dad and you can fight all the crime you want! This is not super desperate. I know we only kissed, for like one second but I totally got hard, and that’s why I think it was more. Even though you told me it wasn’t. I know it was and I’m also a man and can’t take no for an answer. You like me. You totally have to like me. Because I like you!
Love,
Red Hood.
Luckily the note falls off of her apartment door, because he wrote a damn note and not a long text or DM like everyone else would.
Next we get this cool intercut scene where Batman and Alfred talk meanwhile we get a glimpse at The Comedian Joker’s former life. Batman reveals that he knows the real identity of the Joker and he keeps it a secret to protect his family.
You knew this whole time, Bruce?! What the fuck! And you totally lied to your friends earlier when they were like “you know who he is don’t you” and you were all “nope.”
Damn. The shade.
But uh-oh, everyone’s least favorite Robin is up to his annoying ass tricks again. The same douchemobile Hummer we saw Red Hood driving in earlier, just pulled up to the Joker’s family’s house.
THAT’S THAT! How did you like this recap? Was it terrible, was it funny? Did you even make it this far into the review??? Let me know in the comments below!
Comic Book Bitch 