Eternals Star, Kingo, promotes Lexus cars to the imbecilic Marvel audience .
Kingo recently hit the road in his Lexus IS 500 sports sedan in a new promotional attempt between Marvel Studios and Lexus. The two-minute promo spot portrays Kingo as an idiot guy who would rather take a sports car to a battle when human lives are at stake, rather than use one of his borne super powers of flight or teleportation. Hell this moron could have ran super fast to the battleground! Instead, Kingo drives his flashy car and that gets him into quite the pickle as he can’t find a dern parking spot! Doh!
Kingo drives his stupid car through the streets as his teammates look worriedly around for their 10th member. As the battle rages on all around him he finds that he’s much more interested in finding a parking spot for his fancy car rather than help his friends or save the world. He receives a notification from Sersi to “hurry.” OBVIOUSLY. But Kingo dgaf. Not even a little bit, cause if there is flaming debris being chucked around, he can’t take the risk that it might hit his, most likely well-insured, vehicle.
As he continues to look for a safe place to park his Lexus S 500 sports sedan, his tiny little teammate, Sprite, calls him up and she sounds very concerned that he hasn’t arrived yet, and ya know they could really use his help against these extremely dangerous and formidable foes.
Kingo is like, “hey I shouldn’t talk on the phone and drive, I need to concentrate on finding a parking spot. If you need help, maybe call an Avenger or something. Okay, take care, bye bye now.”
Well, can’t wait for the Eternals to release on November 5th! I really hope Kingo can find himself a damn parking spot!!
XOXO- ComicBookBitch.
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Elizabeth Olsen recently spilled the beans on The Hollywood Reporter‘s Awards Chatter podcast!
I mean, this makes total sense considering she will play an important role in the Multiverse of Madness movie. Which will be about… moving through multiple universes.
But apparently, at the end of the final episode of WandaVision *SPOILERS* we can see her meditating. What she is doing is searching through Multiverses to find Tommy and Billy 😭
Damn telekinesis, chaos magic, reality warping, and now she can travel through universes? What the bitch can’t do?
I knew this wasn’t the last we would see of Tommy and Billy.
But I do have one question, if Wanda can travel through universes and find alternate versions of people, then can’t she find alternative versions of herself? And what version would that be okay to steal another Wanda’s babies. Da fuq? And who is to say that Tommy and Billy even exist in another universe at all? I guess if they do, let’s say there are limitless universes and 100 of them have Tommy and Billy’s. And in 99 of them they have parents, but in one they are orphans? I guess she could pluck them out of that timeline?
Am I thinking way too much into this??
Sorry whenever the podcast goes on hiatus I just can’t help but nerd out on here with my bullshit theories!
Thanks for reading! Leave a comment with your theories about Wanda and her universe traveling abilities.
Xoxo- Comic Book Bitch
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Click below to listen to my podcast on Spotify. This week we talked about Lady Gaga’s dogs, the stimulus package (what stimulus package?), No Way Home theories and of course, WandaVision!!
Cover Artists: Giuseppe Camuncol and Erick Arciniega
This is basically a stroll through memory lane, but because I promised you, and I was so fucking hype for this issue. Here’s the recap, buddy!
So Morbius, living vampire. Yada yada.
This basically is his origin story reprinted. It is still in the style of the silver age of comic books. The art and dialogue is all very “of that age.” And the writer is 83 years old. SO!
I actually remember when Morbius was first introduced back in one of those old ass Amazing Spider-Man’s that I read in the Essential collection when I was like, 15? They all were so expositional with their dialogue. But, I guess that’s why that age won Silver, huh?
Crazy how he looked like a vampire BEFORE he looked like a vampire. Weird.
Morbius origin is tragic? I guess, he was a rich ass scientist who was boning some chick and taking a cruise on a yacht with her and his BFF, but he was dying from a blood disease, so I guess, that’s the tragedy. Luckily, he is a scientist so him and his bff came up with a “cure” but it ended up turning him into a living vampire (SPOILER!)
Oh and he killed his BFF, and instead of killing his GF next, he threw himself into the sea, but he decided, like, he can swim so he’s not going to drown.
Sorry Dood, bro code is over when I’m thirsty.
Later, a big ass ship comes to pick him up from the sea, and to repay them for their kindness he drinks their blood and kills them.
After killing his best friend and being rescued and killing everyone who saved him, he decides to check up on his BFF’s young son, who is dying of an incurable disease! FUN!!
He checks in on the kid, who has no family I guess because no one else is there, but makes sense cause his dad was murdered, and the kid is like “I wuv you Unckie Morbie.”
And Morbius is like, damn, I killed his dad but maybe I can save his life. So he heads over to Dr. Hyde’s place, and speaks with his alter ego Mr. Jekyll, who apparently has the cure for the kids disease. Morbius is like great I need it! But when he goes to the Doctor’s place he immediately attacks him!
I’M PRETTY SURE THIS IS ASSAULT.
So Jekyll-Hyde guy is like, “sweet go get me my research books from the mental institution I used to live in, cause I’m fucking crazy and I’ll give you that cure, dummy.”
You know this is from back in the day, because there’s no insane asylum castles anymore.
Morbsey, gets the research, gets the vaccine, gives it to the kid, kid immediately dies, (insert anti-vaxxer joke here)
Now Morbius has killed his BFF and his fucking son, but before he kills him, Morbius confesses to the kid that he killed his father and the son forgives him. Then he dies. Then a nurse comes in and is like “that guy must have killed him” pointing to Morbius, and she is correct!
After the kid dies, Morbius returns to beat the shit out of Hyde, who now that he has research back, has become a giant monster and is like “I’m gonna fuck your shit up.”
So they fight, and Morbsey bites him, which weakens Hyde, and eventually turns him back into the sniveling little doctor from before.
Oh really, Morbsey? You expect people to take you seriously with that side part? HA! I don’t think so.
The normal version of Hyde is like, “yeah I gave you a vaccine that I knew would kill the kid, but I just want to be that big dude, Hyde.”
And then Morbius is like, “why he’s ugly.”
And then the doctor is like, “ew, you’re rude.”
And then he passes out, and then Morbsey is like, “You’ll survive this, because I don’t kill everyone, just innocent people…Wait-“
The point is, he’s trying to be good, but he can’t be good, because he gets hungry and when he gets hungry he’s usually around innocent people. And also Marvel can’t afford to come up with new villains all the time, so he can’t be Dexter-ing them every fucking month.
Well that was it!
Thank you for joining me today, friend!
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Alright! Day 183493452987508934820 of social distancing and I am ready to bring to you Pandemica #4! We finally get to find out why crazy De is carrying around a baby everywhere!
We left off at the lab full of children and babies. Now Chick and De are finding out why they have a lab full of children. Some of the kids are infected some of them are getting immunity shots and one has every single disease that has been unleashed, but she is healthy and alive. However, if she gets let out she can obviously infect everyone with everything she has, so there’s that.
The lab guy won’t let Chick and De take her because she could destroy the world, but De wants to take her because she thinks the baby holds the cure inside. Chick is like hell, no. Leave her we’ll find another way without committing suicide ourselves. I mean, I think I see what’s going to happen here, considering they spoiled it in the last issue, that De takes the baby and Chick threatens to shoot her. Don’t remember that? Read the Recap.
You thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?
K then we get a flashback of De trying to save another baby in the Congo while on a mission and that baby died so now she has to save this baby which they call “lucky bunny” which in the comic they say is a stupid name, but I think it’s fucking adorable. If I was there would have named her Dolores, tho. BUT THAT’S JUST ME.
Back to the present, the lab man reveals that the baby has a perfect mix of all the races in her DNA and that’s probably why she is surviving, and the white people behind the ARK don’t like that because she’s like perfect because she’s all people, and these white people only like other white people. Which is boring because most white people are lame…well, minus this white person.
He’s pretty entertaining.
Chick and De start arguing over whether or not they’re going to take the kid with them or not, meanwhile lab man dials his phone with his hands tied behind his back and his Evil Lady boss overhears their whole argument, so now she knows that they’re taking lucky bunny and she gotta stop ’em.
He must do yoga.
Moses’ lab has just been attacked by Loverboy they killed a doctor, Raj in cold blood and Loverboy then threatened the lives and families of the remaining scientists. Moses wants to give up, some want to call the police, others want to keep fighting. They’ve all been affected personally by the virus. It’s all v emotional. They all stop crying and fighting long enough to see military peeps on TV just shooting at all those virus mutants.
Gob voice: BUT I’M WHITEEE!!
Loverboy has exited the building and calls the Ark lady, does she have a name? I don’t remember it if she does but she’s the daughter of the billionaire and she doesn’t care when Loverboy walks around without a shirt on. Anyways, he calls her and their conversation goes like this…
Evil lady – Um, we’re getting backlash from the white house because our bloodhound counter agent isn’t working, white people are just turning into mutants.
Loverboy – Cool.
Evil Lady – Not really, we might have to lay low for a while and burn everything we’ve done to the ground. Your friends Chick and De are taking Lucky Bunny.
Loveryboy – I’ll go get ’em!
EL – Nah, let’s save that fight for the penultimate issue, just kill that jew.
LB – YAY!!
DENESSA AND CHICK SCENE
They’re suiting up in biohazard suits to take the baby out of the tube. Chick cries a bunch and points his gun at De too many times. Meanwhile, Evil Lady has sent SWAT after them so they got that to deal with.
MOSES SCENE
Moses orders his scientists to grab every hard-drive they can and go the safe houses that he has set up for them. He stops Dr. Esteban and tells him to head to a Jersey lighthouse instead of his original safe house location because he’s special I guess? Moses has passed on plans to him and names of people that he trusts, the second he is done explaining, the UPS murderers come back and start shooting up the place and Moses straight up covers for Esteban like a mo’fuckin G.
Oh shit, he’s still holding the files. How’s Esteban gonna figure it out???
Meanwhile, Chick decides to rat on De’nessa by calling Moses and telling on her for stealing the baby. Chick gets his comeuppance and De puts a gun to his head this time. Their love is V dysfunctional.
Why can’t it be black and white, Chick? Why does it have to be white or black? Bitch.
Chick and De split up because De wants to keep the baby, as that old story goes.
De decides that she is going to the safe house at the lighthouse where Esteban is going, unfortunately she has no idea where that is. BUT SHE IS SURE SHE WILL FIND IT. I am so bad at directions I can’t imagine getting into a car with NO directions and magically landing where I need to be, but I’m also not a bad-ass military spy like De, so I’m sure she will find it. Otherwise this comic would not be very good. Imagine she just drives around in circles like, not even heading to the water where a lighthouse would be?
The SWAT catches up to DE but she manages to outrun them. She heads to Moses’ lab instead of the lighthouse, the one that was just destroyed by the UPS drivers.
I think Esteban died tho, because she finds his paper with the coordinates to the lighthouse soo….
Hazmat baby chic.
SO now her and the hazmat baby can ride off into the polluted, virally infected air and find their lighthouse. Which is in Jersey. They’re on A PAHHKKWAAAYYY.
Comic Book Bitch 