New Trailer for The Falcon and The Winter Soldier!
Buddy Cops
FRIEND! I HAVE COMIC BOOK NEWS!
I am 100% more excited to see this new Disney+ Series after watching this trailer. My friend was telling me that The Falcon and The Winter Soldier was going to be good, but in no way did I believe her. I was skeptical because of the clusterfuck that was Captain America and the Winter Soldier.
HATED IT.
The trailer begins with The Falcon and The Winter Soldier at some sort of mediation because they do not get along. And they do not get along because both of them were in love with Steve Rogers, and he couldn’t choose between them.
I like a love triangle as much as the next Comic Book Betch, but the reason Steve never chose the Winter Soldier or The Falcon was because he was still in love with Peggy Carter. And, like, didn’t he bone Peggy’s granddaughter or something? Which is his own granddaughter because we learn that Captain America goes back in time and has a life with Peggy after Avengers: End Game?
Idk Steve Rogers shit is messy. Remember when Black Widow was trying to jump his bones?
Anyways, The Falcon and The Winter Soldier are now teammates or something who don’t get along because they are both still in love with Captain America, and without meaning to do so, Captain America pit them against each other in this weird competition for his affection. So that is what I assume what this series is about: them just talking about how much they want to marry Steve Rogers and how he was the best guy ever, and then Peggy’s granddaughter shows up and beats everyone up for them while they stare at photos of Steve.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
-Comic Book Betch
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Guess who showed up today? Speed! AKA Tommy, AKA if you’re watching WandaVision, one of Wanda’s twins. He looks just like Pietro, is slightly more annoying than Pietro, and enjoys the company of men, especially Prodigy.
Instead of discussing how there might be two of you out in the world, and you may be a resurrected clone of sorts, let’s just shut up and make out.
Tommy came over to let Prodigy know that he actually did not die in the O.N.E attack on Xavier’s institute, because he was with Tommy that night and he has the steamy photos to prove it.
So it turns out he was resurrected without a body, which I guess means that there is another Prodigy buzzing about somewhere?
Next up, another lovely couple of sluts, Daken and Aurora are strolling through the halls, and they have a conversation and it goes like this:
Daken: You smell scared.
Aurora: It’s weird that you can smell that.
Daken: Yeah but I can only smell lust and fear, I can’t telepathically understand why people have those emotions.
Aurora: Well I’m lusting over you right now.
Daken: Yeah I know. I literally just told you I could tell.
Aurora: Oh, right. Wanna make out?
Daken: No.
Aurora: Damn, ok.
Aurora has got to be the least slutty hoe I’ve ever seen.
Northstar calls his dog, Daken, over. Daken is tracking Siryn, as you know if you read last month’s recap.
Northstar tells Daken to get Fleet Seeds while he’s out and also warns Daken that he will kill him if he hurts his sister, Aurora. And Daken is like, “cool story, bro.”
Wow, I really hope he doesn’t forget those Fleet Seeds. Seem really important. Wow.He forgot Fleet Seeds, but he invested heavily in Doge coin.
Daken is following Siryn. Polaris is a dumb hoe, because Siryn tricked her last issue into lying for her, so although Daken is tracking Siryn to the States, Polaris tells everyone she’s in Barcelona going on a walking tour. If you didn’t say Barcelona with a lisp you fucking suck.
Northstar decides to split the team up to interrogate Siryn’s closests friends, and because half the team can tell when someone is lying to them, they’re splitting up into three groups of two. Speaking of lies, Eye-Boy notices that Polaris is straight up lying to the whole team. He doesn’t say anything though, because Polaris is sitting right there and that would be shades af. Northstar gets up to find Prodigy who was just boning Tommy.
Northstar runs into Tommy first, and Tommy has a lot of questions for Northstar because Northstar is really fast and Tommy is really fast, but Northstar is faster and also older. And rich. And a twin. And a Leader. And everything that Tommy probably wants to be/sort of already is.
How old do you have to be to call someone “young person?” How old is Northstar and why is he hanging out with all these horny teens? I have questions.
So, next we get a scene of Tommy being really annoying and asking a ton of speed-related questions to Northstar, and Prodigy physically pushes him out, making me think that he might be the top?
Prodigy and Northstar get to their boring ass mission of interrogating Siryn’s friends. This mission proves fruitless. Her dad, Banshee didn’t even know that she died once. SO!
Daken tries to call Lorna AKA Polaris, but she ignores the call. RUDE! Then this shows up.
PSA: This is really important to the rest of the storyline.
If you need a summary here it is: THIS BITCH, MORRIGAN, SHE CRAZY!
Next up, Daken is alone because Polaris is in charge of the only cell phone, or maybe she’s the only number that Daken knows by heart? Sweet. Anyways, Daken gets captured by Siryn, but spoiler, it’s not Siryn it’s Morrigan. The crazy bitch you just read about. NOICE.
Anyways, Morrigan beats the shit out of Daken and throws his body onto a spike, so he can’t fully heal himself and then while she is attacking him she also shits in his mouth. JUST KIDDING! But she does shit all over him, metaphorically speaking.
Wow, so fucking rude.
So, Daken is just chilling being staked like a common vampire. Meanwhile, it’s taken them days to figure out that Polaris is lying. But once they confront her and remove the psionic blocks that Morrigan- acting as Siryn- put in her, they realize that Daken is missing and needs to be found. This is like 4 fucking days later btw. So he’s been in the cold wearing his light jacket and jeans. What an idiot. This is why I always tell people to layer.
It takes Northstar all of seven minutes to look throughout the entire Tundra to find Daken and save his life.
Why is he yelling at him right now? He, literally, is impaled on a stick.
Now that Northstar has saved Daken, it’s sexy-time for Daken and Aurora.
V sexy of her to dress as a pilgrim and get inside a jacuzzi.
Daken opens up his heart to Aurora and it’s very lovely. So cute. They’re in love. I love this. And they finally kiss, I guess he’s down for it now after being skewered for a few days in the Tundra. They are rudely interrupted by Northstar screaming for Aurora. which he does ALL. THE. TIME.
Daken: Why is he always screaming like that? Can’t he just zoom in to see if you’re okay?
Aurora: He’s scared to lose me.
Daken: Doesn’t answer my question.
Aurora: He was trapped in Nate Grey’s false Utopia. It fucked with his mind.
Daken: My sisters were trapped in there.
Aurora: So you already.
Daken: Already what?
Aurora: You already.
Daken: What?
Aurora: Know. You already know. It’s slang, from like, England.
Daken: You’re never going to make “you already” happen.
Aurora: You already.
Daken: Damn.
THEN WE DO A COMPLETE 180. Which makes me believe that we are missing pages from this storybook. BUT on the very next page after the hot tub sexy-time scene, it is several hours later in the living room and half the team is dead. Only Eye-Boy, Daken, and Prodigy are the last ones left alive. And it’s mad creepy, because the killer set up Aurora and Northstar in this weirdo hex/witchy-shit type of situation.
I wonder who killed everybody!?
AHHHH!!!!!!!!!! We have a serial killer on the loose!!!
What did you think of this issue? I am really starting to like X-Factor. Definitely becoming one of my faves. When do you think this run will be pick up by Disney+ as a series??? I’m thinking since they’re still taking storylines from 2005 it might not be until 2030 we see this in our living rooms.
It’s the last run in Kelly Thompson’s Deadpool! How could they do this to us? To me? To you? Marvel, you hate us, but why? WHY??
Welcome back to another edition of your friendly neighborhood Comic Book Betch. This week I shall be recapping Deadpool #10. And Guess what the fuck what? It’s a King in Black adventure again!!! When Marvel goes for it, they go for it.
Written by the hilarious Kelly Thompson
Art by Gerardo Sandoval
Cover by Chris Sotomayor
Deadpool, or King Deadpool as he is known by now, is lamenting about the King in Black and how they’ll let anyone be King these days, and this King in Black has left the city, and his island, the Island of Staten…why did I say that? He’s on Staten Island. Anyways the whole country or world or something is covered in black goo. Same shit different issue.
Deadpool decides to have a groupthink with his honor guard, unfortunately everyone’s pretty dumb there, except for Elsa Bloodstone, who, if you’re not new to this blog, you know that I FUCKING STAN!
I can’t wait to see King Deadpool cosplay at a con.
In the groupthink they decide to form ANOTHER team, other than this guard, because the Island of Staten is full of monsters to choose from.
They form a team and then they walk into the room really cool like this:
What a badass group of monsters. And, awkwardly, one monster hunter.
So after they do their cool walk, these weird little priest monsters come in and tell King Deadpool that it’s the end of days, and Deadpool is like “Yeah. IT FUCKING ALWAYS IS.”
Unimpressed, Deadpool is about to walk away when the priest informs him that the monster that is here (The King in Black) is going to devour the King of Monsters as is prophesied, this gets Deadpool’s attention because HE IS the King of Monsters. But, Deadpool says that there is no way this is the Priests monster that they prophesied, it is a Marvel monster and it’s a comic book event, so instead of worrying about these priests and their dumb prophecies, he takes his team of monsters and goes to battle!
Okay, Kohlaab the Pile is definitely touching the symbiote.
Then it gets really sad because the monster eats the snowman, who I did not even bother to mention earlier, but he’s cool because he only speaks in winter-related puns, see what I did there?
NOT FROSTY THE UNMELTABLE SNOWMAN!
Shiny, the monster who shines a light through his mouth, opens his mouth and shoots a blinding hole through the wing of one of the venom dragons, and this gives the team a chance to regroup.
Then this next part is really cool. I love this comic book. Deadpool is literally such a great character and having Kelly Thompson write him!? UGH CHEF’S KISS.
Jeff the Shark touches the goo, and Deadpool is noticeably upset but he promises to find a way to save Jeff, Jeff is already turned though, and bites Deadpool on the hand. Elsa says they can’t afford to have Deadpool turned by the black goo because he is indestructible, TRUE, so Deadpool hacks off his hand. I love this comic book. Deadpool is the fucking best.
They totally stole this from The Walking Dead, except Rick is a bitch who can’t grow back limbs.
Deadpool and the team decide to do another cool group walk back into the scene, but it is rudely interrupted by Jelby, who left their group behind in issue #6. He comes bearing gifts though, a gift in the form of Jeff the Shark safely hidden away in a bowl of Jelby’s jelly.
The entire teams climbs inside of Jelby and they take on the venom dragon from inside of Jelby, Deadpool coins their conjoining as the “Monster-Tron” Patent pending.
I don’t know where all those lights are coming from, There is only one Shiny on the team that I know about.
Using a combination of butts and brains they are able to defeat the dragon symbiote monster, or at least they are able to throw the dragon into a giant hole, but as Elsa points out “it’s got sodding wings!”
This leads to the writer to doing a tie-in to a previous issue, and it’s all very romantic and beautiful and breaking of the fourth wall. As all Deadpool comics are.
He loves red heads. This is canon af.
As Deadpool fends off the dragon from below, Jelby jumps down to save the day!
He contains the dragon in his little jelly belly and Wade is forced to sever another limb to stop the symbiote goo from taking him over…but that does give me pause? Could these severed limbs come back as symbiotes? hmmmm…I GUESS NOT BECAUSE JUST LIKE ARMIE HAMMER, THIS SHIT IS CANCELED.
The day is saved, but there is still one thing left to deal with!
Deadpool already sounds like a dad.
They take a note from Spider-Man and get the symbiote off of Jeff using some loud-ass music. And then Jeff is back to normal and so freaking cute. I cannot.
LOOK AT THAT FACE OMG. OMFG.I LOVE YOU JEFF THE SHARK! I might get this last panel tattooed on me. Thoughts?
King Deadpool saves the day, and it turns out the priests were wrong, the monster will be coming to get him in 2022. A line is forming outside so that Deadpool can pay for the property damages he caused with all of this fighting, and Elsa gives him a sweet kiss on the cheek. All is well, except that this run is getting canceled and it’s the fucking worst thing that could happen to any of us because it is so good. I’m tired, you tired, Jesus wept.
Comic Book Bitch 