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Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe AGAIN!!?

If it worked the first time around, then it will probably work the second time around, right? This is just the rehashing of the same idea. No work was done here. But let’s see for ourselves, shall we?

The cover art has Deadpool holding up paper dolls that are colored in so they look like different heroes…Iron Fist, Captain America, Spider-Man, Wolverine, and the Punisher is there too and he’s about to get his paper head chopped off by a pair of scissors Deadpool is holding. WHO THINKS OF THIS STUFF? GENIUSES.

The story begins with Gambit laying on a table, white faced, full of blood and with a sword sticking right through him. There are two detectives speaking out of page about his death. From the context of their conversation one of the people investigating this crime is an X-Man.

In the next scene Deadpool and some X-Men, who are technically the Avengers, are fighting M.O.D.O.K. Wow that was really annoying to type. He should delete some of those periods from his name. Anyways Deadpool freezes mid-fight into some sort of trance while M.O.D.O.K claims that Deadpool is under his control. But he murders him, and then goes on to murder all of his teammates…accidentally. He’s all mind-controlled or something and thinks his teammates are actually his enemies. Oops. THere also seems to be a printing mistake in my book. Anyone elses book have this? It’s supposed to be a continued scene spread over two pages but they make it front to back. Makes little to no sense. Maybe this book will get recalled or something and I’ll be the owner of some editor’s fuck-up that is eventually worth $100,000 … or like $1,000,000 because inflation and the future. YAY IM RICH!

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Wow. This is intense.

So lots of heroes are dead and everyone is whining about it and they’re calling him “a serial killer.” And he murdered a bunch of people and he left a calling card of his symbol emblazoned on the floor, so he definitely fits the profile. I think they have their first suspect. Oh I should probably mention the B-list characters who are hunting him are The Punisher, Kate Bishop, Misty Knight, Jessica Jones, Cable and Moon Knight. AMAZING DETECTIVE WORK.

Deadpool is back home…or his airbnb…idk where he is. He’s having more illusions…like getting a special assignment from Nick Fury.

Meanwhile over at the Aegean Sea, a bunch of Gods and Demi-Gods have gathered together in a group like a bunch of sheep waiting to get eaten by a wolf.

And the wolf appears in a toga, he plays a little volleyball- but oh no that is not a volleyball it’s actually medusa’s head and he accidentally or on purpose turns everyone to stone. 

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Goodnight Thor n friends 🙂

The group of B-list detectives break into Deadpool’s stinky Airbnb and look for clues. They find a book full of files on the weaknesses of superheroes, and immediately know that’s our guy. However, Jessica finds a note from Deadpool that spells out “Help Me” in noodles. COINCIDENCE?! Jessica does not think so. Someone is controlling Deadpool and forcing him to murder all the heroes. YIKES

And if you turn the page, which I did, I found out that Deadpool is UNDER someone else’s control. AND if you turn that page you find out who it is!

Lovely! Can’t wait until Issue #2 when he murders Spider-Man!

What did you guys think of this one? How does it differ from the other Deadpool kills the Marvel Universe? And has anyone picked up Squirrel Girl beats up the marvel universe?

Deadpool Too Soon?

The cover in this book is jam-packed with D-List heroes from the Marvel Universe. Only Deadpool (whataguy) could sell a comic book with Spider-Ham and Forbush Man on the cover.

The book begins with Squirrel Girl just singing along on her bike in the annoying way she does. Do you guys like the squirrel girl comic books? Because she just annoys the crap out of me. I read one thing of hers and no thank you, that was not for me.

The first few pages basically introduce the cast of characters that we have in this story. So far it’s Squirrel Girl, Spider-Ham, The Punisher, Ant-Man (who I love, secretly), Howard the Duck (?), and Forbush Man. Fun Fact: I had no idea who Forbush Man was before this comic book was created. And I am happy that I was able to live such a long beautiful life before knowing this character existed. HOW HIGH WAS THIS CREATOR!? Clearly this person was not using the good stuff.

These characters have all gathered in a haunted mansion’s living room. Squirrel Girl introduces herself by saying she eats nuts and kicks butts. This girl is popular for all the wrong reasons.

THEN Spider-Ham asks the crowd if they know what “defenestrate” means and I had to google it and it means to throw someone out of a window. Amazing. There is a beautiful word for everything in the world. One day I hope to be clever enough to use that word in a sentence.

Oh hey! Rocket and Groot show up out of nowhere and so dramatically that they basically make Howard the Duck shit his pants. Rude.

Finally Deadpool enters with his wife, Death. As it turns out someone had been blackmailing all of these heroes to show up to this location and it doesn’t take a detective to solve the mystery of who it was.

Deadpool. It was Deadpool.

Maybe it was Ryan Reynolds. Also an acceptable answer.

Where does Ryan Reynolds end and Deadpool begin? It’s like Daniel Radcliffe with Harry Potter. The casting is just TOO good.

Anyways, once the D-list heroes find out that Deadpool is the blackmailer they proceed to beat him up. Marvel heroes got issues, mane.

So why did Deadpool blackmail all of these heroes and bring them to this spooky mansion?

WHY FOR HIS CHRISTMAS CARD OF COURSE! Duh!

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Chimichanga does not do the same thing to your face cheese does for pictures just sayin’

As soon as the lights come back on, it seems someone has committed murder. But it’s just the decapitation of Forbush man. BUT ALAS WE HAVE A MYSTERY ON OUR HANDS.

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Literally a stove-top pot on his head.

A classic whodunit?!

Clue meets Ten Little Indians.

I had to read this one about three times before I started to appreciate it and I am going to buy the next issue because I have a feeling the murderer was the squirrel. Not Squirrel Girl, but the actual squirrel she walks around with. They got me with the “solve the mystery” tactic. So, have you read this comic? And if so, who do you guys think it is?!

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Guilty Squirrel

Deadpool Week!

Hey kids! It’s Deadpool week! (I decided, officially.) We just celebrated two weeks worth of Spider-Man on accident, so now it is time for Spider-Man to step down from his throne and bend the knee to a different masked crusader. I have tons of reviews coming up such as; “Deadpool Too Soon?” “Deadpool Back in Black” and “Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe AGAIN!!” WOW I CAN’T WAIT! Can you??

The Baddest Marvel Betches That Need Their Own Movies STAT

Women are people! Women are heroes! Wow! It’s crazy, but it’s true. Women are continuously making strides all around the world, and these triumphs stretch all the way into the comic book universe. Thanks to the successes of Wonder Woman, Jessica Jones and Supergirl headlining movies and TV shows, finally, the women of comic books are proving that anything men can do, women can do, too! Do you remember the epic failures that were Catwoman and Elektra? Well it’s now time that female characters must rise from the ashes, like a Phoenix force, and prove their  worthiness. Wonder Woman made it loud and clear that it is time and Marvel needs to step their game up. In case Marvel needs some help racking their brains for some good leading ladies, I’ve taken it upon myself to brainstorm some awesome women who are ripe for the box office.

wasp

  1. Wasp

Wasp is #10 because it would be hard to do a movie without the original Ant-Man extremely present. Imagine how good a Wasp / Ant-Man movie would be that is set in the 1960s?! There’s tons of “ will they/won’t they” in the beginning of their relationship. Hank didn’t think he was good enough for the rich and beautiful Wasp, while Wasp just wanted him to realize she loves him the way he is. The pair will have audiences rooting for their love all the while Wasp is beating the crap out of bad guys and Hank hangs out in a science lab. Together they save the world and each other. It’s a like a rom-com..ic book movie. It would also be the perfect Ant-Man prequel.

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  1. Black Cat

Felicia Hardy has always been one of my personal favorites, so maybe I’m a little bias about her popularity and ability to draw in a big crowd. Argument in favor: Blade was a D-list comic book character but became an A-list movie. She’s at #9 because any movie that could truly do her justice would have to come with the rating R and I don’t know how cool Disney is with that.  Her origin story cannot leave out her traumatizing rape which compelled her to learn how to fight and later follow in the footsteps of her criminal father. Felicia has got a lot of issues and leaving those things out wouldn’t do the character justice. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, some of the best characters were made in the 90s and early 2000s because they were majorly flawed.

Valkyrie

  1. Valkyrie

So, there are two choices for Valkyrie: Brunnhilde or Samantha. Personally, I say, why not do both? Begin the movie with Brunnhilde being asked to lead a group of warrior goddesses by Odin in Asgard, which leads to some sort of battle where she is slain, but her soul is contained in a mysterious crystal (sound familiar?), where the soul is later combined with the human body of Samantha Parrington. Samantha must now juggle the issues in her old human life with her brand new powers. Voila! I just wrote the elevator pitch.

Spider-Woman

  1. Spider-Woman

Jessica Drew, the best Spider-Woman of all time, IMHO, has one of the most interesting origin stories starting from when she was a child growing up on a uranium farm, to her father injecting her with arachnid’s blood to save his ailing child (From the uranium poison that he brought upon her. The way she discovered her long dormant powers wasn’t exactly a walk in the park for her either. Her struggle to be good or evil is also heavily prevalent. She’s one of the most unique superheroes of all time. Fight me. A movie about her would also be heavy with nerd-gasm inducing cameos by major marvel characters, like her friends Black Widow, Nick Fury and Daredevil…Hmmm if only those characters were relevant today…
carole danvers

  1. Captain Marvel

This feminist icon grew up with a father who treated her as if she were inferior to her two brothers. This girl had to make it on her own, and she did it better than I could. She started by joining the air force and killing it there to becoming head of security at NASA. After working for NASA and being demoted, she wrote a tell-all book about her personal victimization and was villainized afterwards. (I wonder where the writers got that inspiration from?!) Her life is already interesting enough to capture an audience that the story of how she got her Kree powers is almost gratuitous.

J Law

  1. Mystique

Basically any part of Mystique’s life could be recreated into a movie. The problem with Mystique is she’s almost too interesting. Mystique has lived so long and done so much that a movie about her could stretch into being 500 hours long. There could be a movie about how she met Nightcrawler’s demon father while she was married to a Baron. Or the story of how she became the adoptive mother of Rogue. Or how she created her own brotherhood of mutants without the help of Magneto… the point is Mystique has done a lot more than be Magneto’s right hand woman.

X-2302

  1. X-23 / Wolverine

She already had an origin story told from Old Man Logan, so I think we need to see her 10 or so years in the future in a spin off movie. Picture this: Laura Kinney dons the Wolverine moniker, fashions a costume of blue and yellow, and takes after good ol’ dad.

Tigra

  1. Tigra

This movie would be so good. As a college sophomore, Greer Nelson drops out of school at the insistence of her lame cop boyfriend only for said cop boyfriend to get killed. This forces her to take a job as a lab assistant. If you work in a science lab you have no choice but to become a superhero, those are just the facts. Tigra gains amazing cat-like abilities, then there is a mysterious explosion where she finds her mentor dead, forcing her to spring into action and find out what really went down and why. I think a good foe for her character would be Kraven the Hunter, since they are both hunters and rely on instinct.

Domino

  1. Domino

This would be such an easy movie to make I’m surprised it hasn’t been done yet! Exactly like Wolverine and Deadpool, she’s a weapon X program gone wrong, and she goes out on her own fighting as a mercenary before finding some friends to team-up with. Birds of a feather make major box-office hits. Neena Thurman is a child born to the US government as basically, a science experiment (normal) but she is one of the only survivors of the experiments (normal), then she was stolen by a cult that worshipped the mutant she got her powers from and was later delivered to a priest where she was raised until her powers formed (abnormal). Okay screenwriters that’s 30 minutes I just gave you right there.

storm

  1. Storm

Ororo Monroe was left homeless and orphaned at 5 years old. Luckily she was found by a street gang and taken under their wing where she became an excellent thief. Who would have thought the resident good girl of the X-Men began her career as a common thief? Ororo was later taken in by a tribe woman after her powers had emerged and this tribe woman taught her to be a hero in a world of evil. She became a goddess to this tribe because ya know she can control weather, and eventually she has to go toe-to-toe with another weather manipulator, Deluge. The movie is already laid out: Parents dead. She’s taken in by someone who trains her. She realizes what she’s been doing is wrong and learns her lesson. She learns to wield her powers. Then proves herself by winning a huge battle where something or someone is saved. And here’s the last scene of the movie:

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Boom.

Spider-Men II

Sorry to all my millions of fans for this long hiatus, my life changed dramatically, but what didn’t change is my love for comic books so I’m back now and ready for action. And as promised that last time I wrote, I have more Spider-Man to talk about. This time we’ve got a team up from alternate worlds! It is the Peter Parker and Miles Morales team-up of the century!! This story begins with both of them having been tied up and hung upside down together. I have no idea what they did to get themselves into this mess, but they must be dealing with some very nice criminals to spare their lives like that. Miles saves the day by performing one of his “mega venom” blasts. Unfortunately, the criminals just barely get away on their jet plane and Peter blames Miles for this. What a jerk.

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Miles has the better costume so Peter can eat dirt

Oooo, so this book is one of those look what’s happened and let’s keep you on a string and then we’ll go back and tell you how this happened. Sounds good to me. I love that storytelling trick. I mean, there’s only about two ways to start a comic book if you really think about it.

So now that we’re in the story we begin with Peter doing a quick computer search looking for Miles Morales, the one from his universe that is. Because Miles Morales actually lives in a different universe from the Peter Parker we know, and in Miles’ universe Spider-Man was killed and so Miles decided “Hey, I can do that. Honor his memory and kick butt and whatnot, plus I’ll get a cooler costume.” BUT in alive Peter’s universe he wants to know if Miles exists there. And I think he does, because the next page Miles is rushing into class ten minutes late with a freshly printed term paper in hand. Printers are so annoying and unreliable. When will we stop cloning sheep and start making printers not suck?!

But I digress…

Now that Miles is safe in class, Peter is in danger fighting some huge armadillo. Yes. A huge armadillo. Something along the lines of “Armadillo-man.” I don’t know. I would make more fun of this, except that Peter seems to be very self-aware of the joke of a criminal he’s fighting against and pokes fun at him the whole time.

FLASH to Miles. He notices a girl from his class for the first time. As if he’s seeing the world with fresh eyes. As it turns out Miles has known her all year and only noticed her today because she wore a pink hat. Cute. But isn’t that how it goes? One day you look at someone and you’re like hmph, I never realized this person is attractive. Especially when you’re preoccupied with saving the world on a near-daily basis.

Suddenly a giant iron ball falls in the middle of Miles’ campus and interrupts his conversation with “Barbara.” He swings into action and meets up with Peter on a building in the city immediately. They follow the iron balls into a warehouse, a familiar warehouse. It’s the warehouse where they first met. Because Mysterio was going in and out of universes and then apparently the universe they’re now in is the universe of all universes. I don’t know but I’m just going to nod along and pretend I know what they’re talking about.

Why do these writers even bother coming up with these crazy ideas? Let’s just accept the fact that Superheroes don’t die and don’t age and be happy. Stop making up crazy universes and moving mutants through time. Or don’t. Actually definitely don’t. I feel smart when I talk to people about this kind of stuff in comic books because it confuses them. I TRICKED THEM ALL.

WOW! You guys should buy this comic book, the taskmaster just showed up to smoosh these little spiders.

THEN….

SOMEWHERE IN ANOTHER UNIVERSE…

An all grown-up Miles Morales comes back home to his mansion from walking his little fluffy puppy and a lady in a white dress tells him that he’s got to go to New York because the Taskmaster just showed up. And Miles, with his scarred up, “I’ve seen it all” face, is not too pleased with this development.

miles morales older
I fink u fweeky n i like u a lot

This was a good one. Two good characters team-up, one that’s really funny and one that has girl drama, it’s the perfect buddy-cop scenario. It’s also funny that they have the same name. Not knowing who is talking to whom will be RIPE for hijinks to ensue. “Hey Spider-man, not you, Spider-man!”

I can tell I’m gonna like this one. I bet their going to have a falling out and not be friends and try to solve the case on their own, and then they’re going to be friends again and team-up to save the day. If I’m right, everyone owes me $1.

Dead no more : The clone conspiracy

This #1 issue is an “Amazing Spider-Man” special event that you’ve probably already read, and if you haven’t, I’ll let you know if you should pick it up.

Wow. That sounded presumptuous. 

In this universe Peter Parker has his own business called Parker industries and “has offices around the world and San Francisco.” This I got straight from the introduction… Why San Francisco doesn’t count as part of “the world” we may never know

The story begins with the funeral of Jay Jameson and Peter is brooding in the corner thinking of all the people in his life whom he has lost. Jay Jameson is the father of J.Jonah Jameson and was the second? Third? (did she ever marry doc ock?)  husband of Peter’s Aunt May. As Peter reminisces about all the people he has had a hand in their death of, Peter reminds himself that Jay was old and died of natural causes. That is until J. Jonah Jameson calls him out and says Peter talked Jay out of using a new science experiment that would have saved his life. Damn. Peter Parker sort of kills a lot of people. Must be his karma for never killing bad guys.

Long story short he talked him out of the procedure because he knew one guy who got it and his Spidey sense went off when he shook his hand. THAT WAS IT.

Great job, Parker.

Peter also has a new sidekick and she is a little person and they decide to pay a visit to the guy who had the procedure to get some closure. Boy, this closure is immediate. There is already trouble. The guy, Jerry, has been abducted and his wife fears she won’t get him back. Apparently Jerry didn’t take his daily pills and had a meltdown. Literally of cellular degradation. Cute. So now Parker and his little friend, Anna Maria Marconi, are on the case. As they drive away Peter’s spidey senses fail him as there is a shadowed figure hanging out by a tree in front of Jerry’s house, and the figure has claws. I should mention that.

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WHO DAT!?

Okay, next up, they head over to New U Headquarters which is… IN SAN FRANCISCO.

I get it now.

What I like about Spider-Man’s adventures is that at the end of the day he is a scientist and an inventor. He has brand new web shooters that can cut through steel, he has spider-bugs that can trace his enemies, and he’s always experimenting on something he found from a crime scene. Such a good detective. First he’ll find you, then he’ll kick your ass.

Spidey breaks into New U and tracks down Jerry. He finds Jerry and he also finds who is behind this company. It is Dr. Miles Warren AKA the Jackal, and he’s bad ‘cause he clones people. In fact he cloned the Rhino’s wife so now the Rhino is indebted to him, and he cloned some chick who kissed Electro and then got his powers. FROM A KISS. Is this a Rogue clone? Like, I need more of an explanation, please. Why am I telling you about Rhino and Electro? Oh because they work for The Jackal and are currently fighting Spider-Man.

Spidey takes these two down easily and runs after The Jackal. Only to come face-to-face with everyone’s favorite clone, Gwen Stacy. And then everyone’s least favorite clone, Doc Ock. He’s everyone’s least favorite now that we know he exists, that is.

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That seems a bit uncomfortable

The End.

Now of course there is a bonus story at the end. This time we are treated to an account of what happened the night Gwen Stacy died from her POV. Oooo. Peter Parker is not a good boyfriend. That’s for sure. He’s left her waiting in his apartment because he’s out with better things to do then keeping plans with his girlfriend. SO rude. Luckily, Gwen doesn’t have to worry about making alternate plans because the Green Goblin smashes in through her window and kidnaps her and drugs her and leaves her on the top of a bridge. But remember this is Gwen’s POV, so she’s drugged, but she’s still conscious. She just can’t move her body. She’s watching the fight go on between GG and Spider-Man and she realizes it is Peter because the Goblin keeps calling him Parker. She’s not happy about this realization because she blames Spider-Man for her father’s death. Healthy. 

Gwen is knocked off the bridge by the Green Goblin, as the story goes, and Spider-Man’s web seizes her leg and her neck snaps. Which is weird. Is it because her body was so relaxed? Because don’t they say things like that happened when you tense up? Because you know what’s coming? That’s why so many drunk drivers survive accidents and their sober passengers don’t because the drunk people are all loosey-goosey while the sober people are like FUCK. It’s like when I yank my boyfriend around while he’s sleeping to make it stop snoring. Should I be worried that I may just snap his neck one day? He does complain of soreness a lot… IS THERE A DOCTOR READING THIS THAT CAN TELL ME!?

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THE DRAMA

So, Gwen dies from her snapped neck, but luckily she is scooped up by the Jackal and she awakes in a tube. Zombie Gwen. But she is healthy and so far she hasn’t said anything about brains. She decides to work for the Jackal because, I mean, what else is she going to do? She’s legally dead. Annnnddd it helped that the Jackal also has her dead father reanimated as well. So, Gwendolyn is reunited with the captain and then as we just saw gets reunited with her ex-boyfriend. Lotta bad vibes all around.

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FACT: East Coasters hate California

Spider-Man #1 – Master Plan

I have no idea what this book is going to be about as a I pick it up, but as I’m still riding that Spider-Man Homecoming high, I just don’t even care at this point, because if it has Spider-Man on it I want to get my hands on it!

The cover is classic Spidey web-slinging through the city with a masked goon behind him and there’s a menacing man in a black mask and a shnazzy hat in the background watching over him… ya know, menacingly. Menace. Menace. Now it just sounds and looks wrong right?

According to the intro, Peter Parker is still in high school, so I’m guessing this comic book is movie influenced. Them writers givin the people what they want. I get it. Like, if you saw that movie and loved it and decided hey, I’m going to start reading comic books and then you picked up something where he is damn near thirty and divorced you’d be like wha?

Okay, so after the first few pages you’re not going to believe this, but Spidey saves a car from these two burglars and he’s squatting on top of it in the alley while the owner runs up and calls him a, JUST GUESS! A MENACE. I write as I am reading and that slayed me. Oh, you don’t think that’s funny? You are wrong.

Anyways, Spider-Man is slinging through town stopping a butt-load of crimes, he’s definitely going to be late to the show he was heading towards. It’s literally crime after crime after crime so Peter decides to ask one of the goons what’s up, and it turns out every criminal in the english-speaking world (and some dutch) got anonymous tips to do their crimes all around the city…except…and thanks to Spidey’s special suit that has the internet for some reason…he realizes there are no crimes around Stark Tower.

BAM! That’s where he’s got to go.

Spider-Man can’t help but stop every crime he sees along the way though. That is so classic Spider-Man, but I never realized how annoying that is about him. Like, let some shit go. If Aunt May told you to meet her at 7pm for dinner, meet her at 7pm for dinner don’t go around following that spidey-sense of yours until 8:15, old ladies can’t eat that late!

Spider-Man finally makes it to Stark Tower and he IMMEDIATELY finds the bandit. The bad guy was legit on the same floor that Spider-Man lept into. How many floors are in that place? And how lucky are you to hop in through the exact window that faces a Stark vault? How well does this spidey-sense of his really work? And do you remember my Superior Spider-Man recap?! If you don’t, Black Widow downloaded his p owers so they could be copied and gave them to S.H.I.E.L.D.! Are you feeling the same anxiety I am feeling, yet??

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Hmmm…maybe there’s nothing to worry about after all.

Spidey battles Crime Master, as we all scratch our heads and wonder how Stark Tower could be left so heavily unguarded that one nerd wearing, in what I can only imagine is, a sock on his head, could break in followed by a guy dressed in bright red and blue pajamas and nobody bats an eyelash. Iron Man? Nowhere to be seen. Happy? Not around. The Avengers? Nope! Maybe they’re in space! Who knows!?

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sock face

Peter ends up missing the show he wanted to see and already bought the ticket for, and this makes me really sad. He keeps talking about “looking at the bright side” through his disappointment as he slumps away with the most disappointed of faces and I want to burst into tears. I just want this little boy to have a normal life! Does anyone care?!

Then he saves a cat in a tree and gets insulted by a fat kid.

AND THAT’S HOW THEY ENDED THE COMIC!

Seriously. We got trolled.

Thankfully they peppered in an extra little story with an excerpted reprint of when the original Spider-Man fought the vulture in 1963.

I won’t bore you with the details, but at the end of the issue Peter sells his Vulture/Spider-Man battle photos to J.Jonah Jameson for a crap ton of money. So much money, in fact, that he pays the rent on his Aunt May’s place in Queens for an entire year.

I have decided I would like to get into the business of photography now that this information has become available to me. 

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Can I take some pics of you? It’s for my spank-ba…I mean the school newspaper.

 

Spider-Man Homecoming

Just got back from seeing the new Spider-Man movie. I was not planning on seeing it, but somehow I was pulled in.

I wanted to protest this movie for several reasons, A) there’s too many superhero movies B) There’s too many Spider-man movies C) I’m not in it.

So a little more background on why I didn’t necessarily want to give in and see this movie is because of the civil war movie where he is introduced… See, I’m still pretty upset about the timeline, because as we all know that during the actual superhero civil war Peter Parker was a 27 year old married science teacher. Not a sophomore in high school.

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So basically half of my life so far…

Other than that I didn’t hate it. Here’s some things I loved. I loved how diverse the cast was. There were Asians and black kids and I think Flash Thompson was Indian! I loved that Donald Glover was in it for a hot second! Too bad he wasn’t cast as Spider-Man and instead was technically “The Prowler.” They really threw that “Prowler” thing in just to name drop. He really didn’t do anything Prowler-y and I don’t  think they’re saving this character for a sequel. Kind of a waste to throw that character down the toilet, IMHO.

ALSO they were calling Zendaya “Michelle” Um no, her name is Mary-Jane mother fucking Watson.

I loved that Liz Allen was black and that Peter’s best friend was umm…Filipino? I think… I’m pretty sure that character was based on Miles Morales’ best friend, so I let this slide as well. He was a great character addition, the guy in the chair. He won my heart. However, we all know Peter didn’t have any friends in high school. Zero. Real, real  big nerd. He was almost a nerd in a creepy way, too. In movies he’s portrayed as a lovable smart guy, but honestly in the original books he was a definite spaz until he went to college and got hot. Also Aunt May in the movie was hot. That’s not the aunt May we know and love. There was a lot I had to get on board with which angers my nerd heart. In this case I was into it because SOMETIMES I think movies can be a second chance for comic books where they went wrong. 

spider nerd
Why would Peter want to hang out with these jerks anyway?

SPOILERS AHOY

These magical writers were able to tie in that Liz Allen’s dad was the Vulture the whole time. That would mean that Adrian Toomes and his wife were pretty progressive in giving their daughter the mom’s maiden name or they are messing around with a character’s real name again a la this “Michelle” BS.

vulture
Geriatric Super Villain

This movie made the vulture cool, which I never thought would be possible. But my nerd heart was happy because the Vulture was the first major villain that Peter ever fought so it was really fitting for our high-school boy to take on this guy in his coming out movie! Okay, I really felt for the Vulture, too. He was a nice guy. I loved his super villain backstory of just being a working-class guy trying to make a living for his family who keeps getting screwed over by the man. What makes someone a bad person is all about perspective really. Like, he never meant his friend to turn into dust when he shot him with that gun, that was just an accident he took really well and nobody around him remotely cared about. 

Happy and Iron Man were heavily prevalent in the film since Marvel is doing cross-over to death. They really showed how green Peter Parker really is. Like when one of Iron Man’s drones saved Peter’s life. (THANK GOD!) Or when the real Iron Man saved a Staten Island Ferry that had been cut in half by the vulture and his Chitauri weapons. Tony Stark really tries to “dad” it up in this movie and he does an amazing job because in the end Peter Parker really grows up and morphs into one entity.

All in all the movie earns an A from me. The action scenes were incredible, the villain was super powerful and intimidating, the cast was culturally so diverse, it was kind of funny and then of course… THEY THREW IN THIS LITTLE GEM

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Love you Spidey.

And I sort of understand the Homecoming title now.

Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man!!

I LOVE SPIDER-MAN. I always have and I always will. Wanna fight about it?

I remember when the first Spectacular Spider-Man came out, well I don’t actually remember it because it was in the 1970s…but I remember buying the reprinted volumes!

If you’re not reading The Amazing Spider-Man like I’m not then you have no idea what’s going on with this guy. Apparently he’s the same old Peter we love yet he has slightly more powers. I don’t know what those are because I didn’t read the Amazing Spider-Man, but I did read “The Other” several years ago and the powers he got from his rebirth were amazing, but he lost them and now he’s got new ones. IDK. KEEP UP! So now he has even more “great responsibility” at least that’s what he told The Human Torch, his best friend, on the roof of some random building in NYC before he hugged HT and told him he loved him. Then they planned to go to the movies at 7:30 that night. Fucking beautiful.

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Forbidden love

So Pete’s really having a bear of a time being a legit superhero and saving the world and he just wants to get back to his roots of stopping petty thieves on the streets of New York City. He doesn’t have to look far for a street robbery and immediately jumps in to save a lady from being robbed. Unfortunately his handy web cartridges crap out on him and he almost gets shot in the face but luckily he is saved by the incredible shrinking Ant-Man.

Not being able to save her life doesn’t bother the lady it seems because she still hands Spider-Man her card and asks him on a date while Ant-Man, who actually saved her, just looks on being very short. Because he has helmet problems. You need to know that for later. Oh and the lady’s name is Rebecca London. WOW. COOL.

ANYWAYS… Ant-Man invites Peter to come with him to “The Mason” so they can get their gear fixed together. Man Date.

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Do you see how they look at each other?

Peter has never heard of “The Mason” which apparently is very weird because all the superheroes know about him. Rude.

He’s the Tinkerer’s brother, so maybe that’s why no one told Peter? Because The tinkerer is one of Spider-Man’s enemies? I can’t think of one reason why else EVERYONE knows about this guy except Spider-Man.

Oh totally forgot to mention that Peter picked up an unbreakable cell phone at the scene of the earlier robbery, so he shows it to the Mason’s attendant so he can help him find a hacker. The information they find out about another hacked cell phone leads Peter to Chicago, and to call the lady he saved earlier. Apparently calling a girl 8 hours after she gives you her number is a bad idea according to these editors. They said you should wait at least a day and to text not call… as a girl, I do not agree. If I gave you my number you better use it and quick. The window of interest shuts fast.

Spider-Man finds the house of the Stark hacker and ya know, threatens to arrest whoever is inside immediately. Not very stealth but when you have a Spider-sense I guess you don’t need to be stealthy. After Spidey makes his threat he is immediately blown up and confronted by Ironheart, the apparent hacker.

It’s 7:39 and Peter is in Chicago, a long ways away from his date with the Human Torch. Poor Torchy is waiting for his pal outside of Pete’s apartment, but instead of finding Peter he finds his sister. No, not Johnny Storm’s sister, Peter’s sister. YUP.

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OOOOKKKKAAAYY that was pretty good. Lots of big shot characters making appearances in his first Spectacular issue, but wait it’s not over yet! There is a bonus story at the end.

I like these short stories, they’re always so deep. In this case it’s not deep though, it’s more like a teaser after the end of one of the Marvel movies of what’s to come. And what’s to come gives me MASSIVE amounts of anxiety.  LIKE MASSIVE. I don’t know if you get it, but I have real feelings about this. So here’s what happens, Black Widow fights Spider-Man and uses a device to follow his every move and spidey-sense, once she gathers all the info she needs on his spider-sense she hands it over, somewhat unwillingly, to a sleezy SHIELD agent. NOW ALL THE SHIELD AGENTS WILL HAVE SPIDEY SENSE. NOT COOL. After that I imagine she goes home to take a long hot shower to wash off the shame.
SHAME!

shame